Stop and Restart
by D'artEtoile
Summary: I was a pampered kid living a somewhat content life till I died at 18. Unthinkingly, I accepted a second shot in life till I realize that it's taking place in a very AU Narutoverse! Yeah, forget turning a new leaf or whatever shit! I'll be too busy trying to stay alive and -hopefully- make it pass my 18th birthday this time! SI/OC
1. Proluge

_**Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and not me save for several OCs**_

You know, I never thought that I would die so young. Okay, maybe not like twelve years old or anything like that. But isn't eighteen years old still considered young?

My death had been… swift for a lack of better word. I had just started my internship a few months back. For six months I was attached to a hotel and had to switch between two departments before I could graduate. Maybe it was because I was a couch potato and maybe it was also because I was an only child so whatever I wanted my parents would give it to me.

I rarely did chores, I tend to give in to urges to splurge on random things and at times I might not even use the items. I avoided responsibilities like the plague. And if anyone has ever recorded my physical activity they would soon notice that it was abysmal. Basically, I was a spoiled brat who had an easy life and never really tasted the real world.

I had it all planned. I thought I did. Or maybe, I was just following my mother's plan. By twenty I would have a degree, a diploma and work experience from a well-known hospitality industry. I would have my own money. I would be independent. I would know the direction of my own future.

But I was wrong.

Like usual, I waited for a friend of mine. We both finished around 11 and usually she comes out later because of the reports she needed to save. My eyes burned, my ears were ringing and all I wanted to do was sleep. But I still waited for her.

Everything was fine. We talked, laughed, walked across the street and separated at her bus stop. I could have taken the bus but I always walk back home. I stopped, sneezed and ended up taking several steps back. When I brought my hand away, I realized there were specks of blood and that something hot was running down my nose, my lips and down to my chin.

Nosebleeds were a pretty common thing with me. Too tired, nosebleed. Too hot, nosebleed. Too cold, nosebleed. Picked my nose too much, nosebleed. It's normal.

…

Well, that last one was a given.

What I didn't realize was, in that split second that I was forced to take several steps back, I ended up standing right in front of an incoming bus. The bus honks, but my muscles wouldn't move. Then I got hit.

Funnily enough, despite having a _plan_ for my future, I never thought I would live past thirty. Maybe that was a sign. Remember when they said that during moments like this your life flashes before your eyes? Like all your important memories?

Yeah, it actually happened. But not all were important. I recalled my first sleepover, my first time cheating on a test, my classmate's birthday party, the time I bought a pair of lipstick in a new shade, screaming on a roller coaster ride, my first kiss, pretending not to listen when my parents are screaming at each other the room next door- they were all so random.

And then, darkness.

Cold washes over me. It drowns me, pressures me, engulfs me. Then suddenly it stops. Colors begin to bloom and now I am standing above my body. My cold dead body, covered in blood and dirt. I retched but so far I could only look like I was miming to throw up.

Then a window popped up above my body. **Game Over**

I stared at the little window as if it was the only thing that mattered. Never mind that I had just died. Never mind that I am no longer in the real world. I stared, and stared and stared till the words are burnt inside my mind. I ignored the crowding people around me, and continued to stare till it makes sense.

The window expanded, **New Game? Yes/No** with a little arrow besides the options.

My life was a game? A small part of me quipped that there were jokes that when you suddenly forgot what you wanted to do or say it was because God or some other almighty being had canceled your actions.

It kind of made sense, and if I think about, things like our jobs or daily tasks were more of mini games for whoever is controlling us right? Major decisions that we took are the things that are progressing our stories, usually with our theme song playing in the back ground except we can't hear them.

I had thought about this several times while I was alive. Maybe this was the way the world or some other higher being wanted to teach me a lesson. What with my previous life showed how much of a lazy bum I was. But still… was my life really a game? A form of entertainment for someone else?

The thought made me sad and emptier instead of angry. Was I even real? Were my choices ever my own? Why did I die? What's going-

"Hello."

I hadn't realized that I was crying until I looked up and could only see blurs. Could spirits cry?

"Huwah?"

"Hello." The voice repeated. Directed to me.

"H-Hi?"

I rubbed my eyes furiously and looked at the person who was addressing me. Me. Who died. Like dead.

"Y-You can see me?" I whispered. And then I nearly screamed because it was me standing right in front of me. A copy of me. Another exact version of me standing across me. And we were standing above the 'dead' me on the ground.

Oh yes. This must be some sort of sick cosmic joke.

"Yes, I am you." The not-me said. Oh god she even sounds like me! "Though I am supposed to take on the appearance of someone important to you while I talk with you."

"But why myself?" The words came out like a strangled wheeze and maybe I was. Wheezing and being strangled that is.

The not-me tilted her head. "You weren't close with anyone else." She said with a tone that practically screamed 'duh'.

I winced and stammered out an excuse. "I- I have friends! We were-"

"No I didn't mean it like that. I meant that there was nobody within the eighteen years of your life that made a life changing impact on you."

"That sounds even worse!" I shrieked.

"Well it was your life." Not-me reminded.

"No the player that was using me as an avatar decided that!" I screamed and pointed at the window above my dead body. I panted, dropping to my knees. Is a spirit capable of being tired? Am I a spirit? What the fuck am I now? And holy shit I just raised my voice.

I hated yelling. It makes me tired. It makes me-

I froze. "Sorry…. I didn't mean to yell." My voice was so small that I doubt not-me could hear it. I want to get angry. I am angry. But I'm upset as well. I'm confused. I'm- Oh wait. I'm dead. Haha. Jokes on me.

"No, it's fine." She sighs tiredly. She frowns, and I wonder if I looked so much older when I do that because that's how my face looked right now. "That isn't supposed to show up till I give you a proper full length explanation actually, so I get where you're coming from."

She waves her hand and the scene around us changes. I recognized the place instantly. It was my high school classroom. It looked and smelled just like the last time I was there. Pens and other miscellaneous things were on the floor, the slightly bent window shutters, the smell of gum, candy and textbooks, the white board that was filled with a chemistry equation and the sound from the hallway outside.

Why did she choose this place?

I was seated in my own seat while not-me sat on top of the table across me. She offers me a slight smile.

"Hello, my name is Eltri. In another world, I am you."

The thought of my life being a joke suddenly makes so so much more sense.

"Erm." I managed intelligibly.

"Have you ever thought about other parallel worlds?" The other me questions.

I nodded my head. "Well, in another world, I am you. And you are me in this world."

Deep down I mentally thank all those time travel, parallel world related manga/anime/books and hell even fanfics! Because if it weren't for them I would've looked stupid.

"How many parallels are there?"

"Infinite." She answers. "Are we in a paradox?" "That's only if either of us time travelled." "Then how did you get to meet me?" "Your death actually."

Ah, and here I thought I would actually understand what the other me was talking about.

At my confused expression, Eltri continued on. "I can't contact the living but I can contact the dead or the dying ones."

"Okay… Why are you here then? Why did I die so young? What are you? And why-" Eltri cuts me with a sudden clap that made me jump in my seat. I eyed her a look that she returns with a raised brow.

"I'll explain this is all in one go so listen well and listen carefully." She sighs as if speaking to a child. Oh god, was I ever this annoying to my friends? Sheesh, no wonder they always roll their eyes at me when I'm explaining! 'I can't believe that I managed to annoy myself' I thought glumly.

"In my world we have magic, as in yes the ones where you could manipulate gravity, change the color of your hair with a snap of a finger and transforming into various things." Before I could even get a word in, she barrels on with a look as if daring me to say anything to cut her off. I didn't and pressed my mouth shut.

"And as always, there is always a lunatic who wants to rule the world. Or destroy it, really there's actually no difference. Believe me, I've seen it myself." I nodded. By this point I would believe anyone if they told me that the moon is made of cheese. "I along with several other people are tasked with… maintaining balance in my world. Unfortunately he seems to know our weaknesses and exploited them."

"Most of us are currently incapacitated from previous fights and the remaining ones are too heavily injured to fight back including myself. As long as there are survivors, there's nothing much that he can do to our world." Eltri sighs. "We all split up and went into hiding while trying to get our strengths back. I do not know where the others went since we left without telling each other but I think it's for the best."

She pinches the bridge of her nose. "And as for you, I'm sorry to say that you died young. But eighteen years is actually pretty long compared to the rest of us from the other timelines."

"How old were they when they died?"

"They either die at childbirth or before 10. There are several worlds where we died at our 20's to 30's but we were actually tortured or murdered in a not so swift way." Eltri murmurs, her voice soft.

I froze in place as my mind blanks out on me. I either die young or get murdered. That's just…

"Will you die young too?" My other self blinks. "No. I'm immortal."

Jealousy and fear spreads through me. "That's not fair…" The words slipped out of me before I realized what I had just said. But really, how is it not?

Seemingly able to feel my distress, Eltri spoke up. "I think you have the wrong concept of immortality. While I might not die from falling off of a building or being drowned, that does not mean I am immune to the pain. It still hurts like shit. And technically I can actually 'die'. If I'm torn into pieces, burnt into ashes, I would still feel the pain. Also I have the slowest resurrection and regeneration speed than the rest of us so that's a total downside too."

And now I am both thoroughly embarrassed and as well. It swallows up both my fear and jealousy but a small nagging part of me still spoke up that it wasn't fair. I tried to squash it down and forced myself to look into Eltri's eyes. Though the second she looked back I looked away and slumped against my seat.

"Sorry." It was the second time I apologized to her within the span of the time that we first met, which couldn't be more than thirty minutes or so. Wonderful. I seem to be a douchebag even to myself and still am emotionally constipated.

"No, it's okay I got used to it." She replied in a tone that sounded as if this was the billionth time she had to explain herself.

"Now back to answering your questions from before, I am a human capable of performing magic whose job is to maintain balance to my own world with several others. And I'm actually using the term 'maintaining balance' very loosely I might add. What my presence had to do with you is that I was actually planning on hiding in your world. But then I didn't know that you were going to die that very moment."

"I still don't understand…"

"Simply put, I could only enter worlds and timelines where and when the 'me' in that world is still alive. If the 'me' in that world dies then I can no longer come and go as I please because the other 'me' is like a portal. I can only stay within the other me's subconscious but when they die then I'll get ejected out of the body and world. Erm, still with me?"

"Amazingly yes," I mumbled as my eyes widened in realization. "So you were going to possess me if I hadn't suddenly kicked the bucket?"

Eltri shook her head. "No, possession is taking over the host. I said I would sleep in your consciousness. Besides the fact that possession takes a lot of energy –which I do not have- if that lunatic from my world suddenly came into this world, he would easily single me out for having memorized my presence."

"But if you did have the energy," I pressed, "would you?"

My other worldly counterpart gave me an odd look. "Now why would I do that?"

"Why wouldn't you?" I countered.

"Because I'm not entirely you. We may be each other's counterpart for another world but you are still an individual of your own and I am mine. If I possessed you just because I can, wouldn't that mean I'm robbing your privileges? Wouldn't that just make me a bully and a thief?"

Well… I never thought of it that way.

"So… why am I here then?"

"Back up plan."

"Back up plan?" I parroted. "What back up plan?"

"Remember when I told you that if we want to enter to another world, the other world needs to have another version of yourself for you to enter?" I nodded. "Yeah, that's why I needed you."

I stared. "I need your soul to help enter a new world actually."

"But why not just enter another world with another 'us' that's still alive?"

"That was the original plan but now I'm using the backup plan."

"Why?"

"Because that crazy bastard had went off on a killing spree and destroyed countless of parallel worlds that has me and my friends in it. Your world was one of the remaining few that he hasn't touched. Unfortunately I'm running out of time and energy."

"Wha- So are you saying that he's going to destroy my world now?!" What about my family and friends?

"No. You died just now. He has no reason to destroy this world. Well technically he could have just destroyed us during the time period that we existed but he prefers total world annihilation because he gets a kick of destroying us and those that we care about."

"He sounds mental…" I breathed, eyes wide like a deer caught in a headlight. "No. He's broken and he wants everyone to be broken just like him." Eltri supplied evenly.

"Anyway," she mutters to get us back on track, "if a soul is good they go to where good souls go to-"

"Heaven right? Good souls go to heaven right?"

Eltri puckered her face as if she had eaten something sour. "I… actually don't know. I know that heaven does exist but I'm not quite sure if that's actually where good souls go to. I may deal with souls but the topic of heaven is actually out of my jurisdiction. You either have to ask a Celestial resident or one who's in charge of handling pure and or good souls."

"Does hell exist then?"

"Oh yes. Yes it does."

"You've been there?"

"Unfortunately." When she doesn't seem to want to elaborate further, I let her continue on with her explanations. "Where was I, oh yes. Good souls to where good souls go to, and bad souls go to hell. Souls that are equal gray, darker gray, light gray or any shade of gray actually- are sent for reincarnation. And you are one of those gray souls."

"Reincarnation?"

"Yup." She pops the 'p' and placed her hands to the back of the desk and leaned back. "Before you ask, I can't reincarnate since I can't die and yes, while I did say I can technically be 'dead' my soul is still bound to my body. Only souls can reincarnate and that means you're the only one I can count on."

What she said made the gears in my churn like crazy. "If you need the help of my soul, does that mean that you're going to a world that doesn't have the other us?"

"Mmhm."

"But why that world? Why specifically a world where there is no us?"

Eltri nodded her head, looking impressed at my deductions. "Because it's a place where I can recover faster. See, every world has energy. You know what they say, energy can't be destroyed. It can only be transformed right? Well in places where there is no magic, I recover much slower. But if there is an abundance of it then I could recover my strength easily."

Eltri snaps her fingers and the same window from before popped again.

 **New Game? Yes/No**

"So what's it going to be?"

I'm being offered another chance. Me. The lazy spoilt bum. Out of all the other dead teens, kids, people, I got a second chance.

"What about my family and friends?"

Eltri gives me a rue smile. "Despite thinking that world revolves around yourself, I'm afraid it doesn't. Time continues to flow and they'll have to manage a world with you from now on." Her tone is soft but somber at the same time. I don't mention anything at the fact that she didn't use the term 'moving on.' Was it bad that selfish part of me was glad?

"… Is this world more dangerous than yours and mine?"

"Similar to mine. So basically yes, considering the life that you've lived so far..." She trails off but I don't get the sense that she's mocking me or anything.

I don't really know whether it was on impulse or an old habit of mine but without much thinking, I said yes and then I felt the sensation of falling before everything fades to black again.


	2. Chapter 1

Both Eltri and I took a critical look at the window in front of us. Well it was more of her cringing as she looked at the numbers and me being half present and half in my own little world. I'm not quite sure how long we spent choosing our stats – and wow this is definitely looking more and more like an RPG game then a second chance at life!

After I regained my senses, I saw that we were in total darkness save for each other and the window floating in midair. There's no other sound besides our breathing and the occasional shuffling of our clothes. The window didn't have a tab on _avatar_ and _history_ so we didn't know how we would look like in the other world or anything much save for the numbers that would determine our strength, speed and intelligence amongst other things.

 **Nin:**

 **Tai:**

 **Gen:**

 **Int:**

 **Str:**

 **Spd:**

 **Stm:**

 **HS:**

As if either of us actually know what the hell this meant. There was the number 17 on top of the list and an up and down button beside each row. For each one, the number couldn't be more than five but we could have 3.5 or something like that for each slot. Eltri quickly inserts a 5 on the stamina portion and cranes her head to the side.

"The rest is up to you."

"Why the stamina?" Eltri chuckles and gently flicks her locks behind her shoulder. "Just because." She smiles. Her eyes –my eyes- seem to shine with an emotion that I'm not quite sure of but it made her –me- look much older than I/she/we should be. I don't pry, though the nosy part of me was dying to know, and instead focused my attention on the window.

When I was playing RPG games with options where I could choose how to distribute points to my stats or at least choose what advantages my avatar would have, I always tried to make it as standardized as possible. Occasionally I may give in to my desires and just make the avatar a heavy assault fighter but that's because I know I won't be the one taking the damage.

Now that I know it would actually be really me, out there, fighting and possibly dying, I figured that it's about time I used my brain. Now I wouldn't actually say that I'm super smart or incredibly dumb either. I was average in my studies but I did have my ups and my downs. My teachers, parents and hell even my friends said that I was goddamn smart when I wanted to be.

And the only times when I _want_ to be smart is when I'm motivated. Finding a motivation for me right now wasn't hard; because what more motivation could I need then to stay alive right? Wrong.

Saying, thinking and imagining things are far more different than actually experiencing them. I know that I've died but it was instantaneous. There was no pain, no screaming- it was quick and clean. Considering that there are worlds where I died in a not so pleasant manner that is. I squeezed my eyes shut and allowed my _oh so vivid imagination_ run wild.

Staying alive. Danger. Death. Pain. Torture. Blood- Yup, not getting anything.

I frowned. Did I just unconsciously give up before I even started anything? What the fu-

"Motivate me." I blurt out.

She stays still and cocks an eyebrow with a slight tilt to side. "I- I need motivation, it helps me think better…"

Eltri merely blinked at my frazzled appearance –for heaven's sake I was just standing there and got a bit too out of it, I can't believe I look this pathetic in front of my other self- before reaching out and grabbed my hand.

 ** _Staying alive. Danger. Death. Pain. Torture. Blood-_** I screamed like a banshee and dropped to the ground like lead. I thrashed, spasmed, gasped, moan and shrieked; my body burns, my blood burns and my mind is flashing images after images of such horrible things that I felt bile rushing up my throat. But what escapes my lips were strangled screams as a **_horrible_** sensation floods my system.

I was hot, scorching hot but cold at the same time. My limbs felt heavy, my head felt like it was being ripped in half and my eyes! My eyes felt like they were being skewered by something hot and sharp! A sense of dread looms over me. Fear, resignation and tiredness cause my stomach to churn violently.

And then everything stopped.

If I wasn't a soul and was still in my mortal body, I wouldn't have doubted for a second that I wouldn't pee in my pants. Or even shit in it. Or maybe both.

Eltri steps in front of me, her hands are placed at her side and I saw her image flickers just for a second. I briefly and hazily saw an image of what could be her actual form but I found that I suddenly couldn't open my mouth to speak.

"You're trembling." She says as if nothing wrong has happened.

"W-Wha? I- I don't…" My legs gave out and fear spreads from my chest. I looked up at the other girl. The other me. The other me with eyes that made me look so much older, more tired than I had ever been. Or maybe I had and no one has ever told me that. Maybe that's what I had always looked like from another person's point of view. Maybe I never knew.

"Sometimes," she starts, as she sits down across me with her legs crossed, "personal experiences allows you to develop a far more stronger motivation."

It took me more than a few minutes to understand the meaning of her words before both my thoughts and emotions run wild yet again. Upon seeing my realization she smiles –the one where I suddenly look so much older, tired, haunted- and shrugged as if to say, "oh well."

"Even immortals have their own fears." Eltri offered. I looked at her with wide eyes and then the prickly sensation came and seconds later I am crying. Somehow, Eltri was able to show me her memories.

"I don't want to die all over again!" I wailed. Comparing what I had just felt, witnessed and experienced to my death would be like comparing a Megalodon shark to a guppy.

I was terrified! I was out of my wit! I wanted nothing more to find myself in my bed, snuggling against my blanket and pretending as if I still have 5 more minutes left before I panic and rush over for work. I wanted my old life back, I don't want to die again! I want to stay back in my world where I am pampered and spoiled!

"Neither do I."

I really wanted to ignore her. I wanted to pretend like I was the only scared. The only one that didn't want to die. But I can't.

Eventually my cries slowly ebb away into occasional hiccups. Eltri nudges my foot with her own and whispers, "Don't worry, I'm here with you."

But hearing that only made me want to cry more.

After calming myself down –I actually did not know how long it was, to calm myself down I mean-, the cogs in brain immediately churns to life and knew what I had to do.

 **Nin: 1**

 **Tai: 1**

 **Gen: 1**

 **Int: 3**

 **Str: 1**

 **Spd: 2**

 **Stm: 5**

 **HS: 2**

If my main priority is to stay alive then I need to at least have speed to runaway from danger. Or a better brain that could help me out in tricky situations. If and when I get myself into that situation of course. Because frankly my own brain tends shut down at some important events in my life. And since for the life of me –haha, oh look I made a pun- and Eltri, we couldn't figure out what HS, I just randomly put in the number while hoping that it's something that could also potential help me get away from things without having to fight.

Was this my maximum stats though? Or is it just my starting stats?

A little dinging noise snaps me out of my thoughts as the window suddenly shrinks and another notice pops up.

 **"New Game+ allows you to access bonuses you can purchase from the points accumulated from your previous life. Your current total point is 12902."**

"Huh, looks like we can't change our stats anymore. I didn't know we only had one shot in this." Eltri murmured. She then steps forward and taps the end of the sentence and a list of things appeared along with the number of points it was worth.

Scanning over the list I can't help but feel… mortified.

"Hey! Apparently dying a virgin isn't such a bad thing in your world!" Eltri chimes –my whole face was flushed and neither could I feel it- "Look, you got 1000 points for that!"

So my virginity was only worth 1000 points? Is that a lot? Is that a good thing? Should I be happy or sad that I died a virgin?

"Erm, let's just go and see what we can get with my points shall we?" I had to stop her before she read aloud the sentence she was pointing at. Quickly tapping the screen, I pretended to act one must know about that. No one.

 **"New Game+ allows previous saved files to be carried over. Limit Break and Signature Skill has been added into the main menu.**

This probably was meant for Eltri as I didn't even understand any of it. The other me simply shrugs and taps the window before another list pops out.

· **_Weapons_**

· **_Armors_**

· **_Accessories_**

· **_Miscellaneous_**

Eltri looks over her shoulder. "Have you ever wielded a weapon?" I shook my head and while she tried not to look disappointed and skipped the weapon part and after a few minutes went back to the weapon section because the other options were all too overpriced.

Only the weapon and armors had sub category and while I could only stare at the options blankly, Eltri suddenly seemed far more into it.

"Bloody freaking yes!" She cheered and did a little fist pump. That sudden burst of excitement caught me by surprise because that was the most reaction I've seen coming from her to be honest. It was kind of cute the way she cheered and had all but pressed her face against the screen.

…

Wait does this count as being narcissistic and vain for complimenting yourself that's actually not yourself?

Ugh, I've given myself a headache.

"What's up?"

"These are all of my weapons!" Wow, I couldn't even use everyday kitchen utensils without hurting myself let alone use actual _weapons_.

"Erm, but they're all over my points you know…" I eyed one of the names in the list that was worth 999 999 points. Yeah, definitely overpriced.

Eltri frowned and started clicking and scrolling down the list with a concentrated look on her face. "So if you own all those weapons that does mean that you're proficient with each and every one of them?"

"Yeah. But not that I actually go and flaunt my skills or anything." She answers quickly. "Usually if someone picks a fight I just run away or try to make myself less appealing."

"Why?"

"I don't like fighting without reason just as much as I dislike responsibilities. And they both take effort so all the more reason why I do so." She sighs, "You can say that I am like a pacifist but for very selfish reasons."

"Oh. Okay."

"Hmm, since you are aware of my existence, it would mean that there would be two minds inhabiting one body…" Eltri was mumbling to herself. Her eyes were trained at the screen and she seemed to be thinking a mile a minute. "Right, yes, I can train you. Then we'll be able to use these babies again! Oh I'm so clever!" She laughed.

"Oh we are so going to wow everyone with our skills!" For someone who just said that they were a pacifist, Eltri seemed rather happy to use weapons.

As if reading my thoughts, she turned around and patted the screen affectionately. "I said I was a pacifist yes, but there are some people who I enjoy wiping the floor with. Or times where I do enjoy a good fight, though I need a **_very good_** motivation to do so."

"So not really a pacifist then."

"No but I do tend to act like one so I stuck with that." She laughs cheekily.

"What did you pick?"

"My dual swords, Oathkeeper and Oblivion."

"That sounds… incredibly overpowered. And I feel like I've heard that name before…"

Eltri seemed to find this amusing and had an expression that I know all too well. It's the I-know-something-that-you-don't. Frankly it frustrates me when someone gives me that look and it takes all of my willpower not to give in and gossip.

"How much does it cost?" I asked instead, shaking my head. Since it didn't look like she was going to say anything more about that matter I let it drop. But a small tugging feeling rested at the back of my mind as if I had just missed something out.

"A whooping 750000 points."

"I only have around 12000 points."

"Still going to get it."

"How?"

Eltri begins to rapidly press the choices on the screen and before I even had time to read through, another choice appears. For the next few seconds, I watched as the other me concentrated on whatever it was that she's doing before a green scroll materialized in mid air right in front of me.

I yelped and took several steps back and in a flash Eltri stood in front of me with one arm outstretched to push me back. She was hunched slightly, her legs apart and the muscles in her shoulders and back were tense like winded coils ready to strike. It scared me to think that in another world, I was fighting for my life and now I myself was about to experience it. It seemed a bit surreal…

My other self waits a few more seconds before tentatively touch the scroll.

Nothing happened.

She doesn't move away from her spot as she unrolls; her back is still tense and I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I saw the tension melt away from her figure.

"Got it."

"What?"

"I got my swords." I peered over her shoulder and saw two swords drawn at the center of the scroll. The picture then melts and different characters begin to appear.

"Hey!" I cried. "It's Japanese!"

"What's Japanese?"

I looked at her as if she had grown two heads. "You don't know?" I asked in disbelief. "No. We don't have that in my world. Can you read them?"

I tell her briefly about my world's geography and official languages –that I remember- and was shocked to find that it was nothing like the world that she lives in. "So you can't read this then?" She asks again while I was examining them.

"No. But we do know that this has our swords right? We'll figure out how to use them eventually. And you still haven't told me how you managed to get these."

"Honestly, no idea but it involved lots of tapping, praying and luck. Unfortunately though, we don't have any more points." A timely ding follows and a new notice pops up again.

· **_Easy_**

· **_Normal_**

· **_Hard_**

· **_Nightmare_**

You know when you're playing a game and you just want to skip the dialogue so you spammed the A button? Like in Pokémon, where you visit the Pokécenter and spam the hell out of the A button because, please Nurse Joy. I came to get my team healed, not listen to your long winded repetitive speeches.

And then because you were just that impatient, you ended up talking to that pink haired NPC again for the second time. Then the third time. And then on the fourth time you finally decided to tap the damn dialogue box slowly.

Yeah. That literally just happened. As luck would have it –karma came back so fast to bite us in the ass for cheating, damn you cosmic laws!- Eltri accidentally pressed Nightmare.

As far as I'm concerned, these four choices maybe the settings that sets the pace of our second life. Like maybe easy is us living in a peaceful era, or be super rich or something like that. So far, everything felt very game oriented-like so my train of thoughts went that way.

And now, I have literally set my life to be a living hell. Oh yeah, what a great way to start a new life. Before either of us could react, the window melts back into darkness and not a second later, the room was flooded with intense light. –So intense that even my eyeballs felt burnt behind my eyelids-

What a great way to start my new life.

The searing burn in my eyeballs finally –finally!- receded and now… NOTHING.

I couldn't see.

I couldn't hear.

I couldn't make any sound no matter how much I desperately wanted to.

I couldn't smell anything either.

But my sense of touch was sharp. Sharper than it was before. Anything that touches me made me feel certain sensations. What does that makes sense?

Something warm was touching me and it felt calming and steady. Like a heartbeat. Or the ticking sounds of a watch. I could actually see –how is that possible But regardless I was still panicking over my lost senses. And it's not until I hear Eltri's voice echoing in my mind that my panic begin to ebb away.

 _Apparently we are a baby again._

Never mind, my panic is now at full throttle.

 ** _Authors Notes_**

 ** _Naruto does not belong to me, it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and any other references (Oath Keeper and Oblivion) belongs to their respective creators (Tetsuya Nomura)_**

 ** _And yes, my OC Eltri appears in like all the stories I've written and somewhat got writers block for... Hopefully not this one!_**


	3. Chapter 2

**_Talkingbirdguy: Why thank you, I also hope that I could update as soon as possible as well but it may take some time for chapters to be updated unless I'm feeling super motivated. Nightmare mode is definitely going to fuck up with my character. Both emotionally and physically, especially considering how pampered she is in her previous life. Hohoho, due stay tune!_**

 ** _DarkJewel55: Does this answer your plea? Yeah, I thought of reincarnating into the main character but neither actually fit according to the personality of my OC. I also want to finish this fanfiction as well and not quit somewhere in the middle so we shall see :D_**

 ** _DarkDust27: My OC will need all the luck in the world and probably from her other self's world in preparation for what I'm about to put her through! Muahahaha!_**

 ** _. . ._**

Sharing a body with your own counterpart from another world somehow gives you the opportunity to learn more about yourself. Like, how would you turn out if you were born under different circumstances and all that. Would the two of you have the same interests and opinions or would it be as different as heaven and earth?

In all honesty, I personally thought that I would have grown up to be like Eltri if I didn't die at such a young age.

-Er, minus a couple of eccentricities of course and other very disturbing tendencies she has-

When we learnt that we had been born into the world of ninjas, we had two very different reactions. I for one, started crying and despaired. Even more so when we learnt that most people have jobs as ninjas than anything else.

Yes, I shall be trained in the ways of a shinobi; first I would be molded into a child soldier and then possibly die –again- before I reach eighteen. Fantastic.

Eltri on the other hand, was ecstatic and started sprouting all the _cool_ things that she thought ninjas could do. There were so many things that triggered my anxiety during our training, and as always, Eltri was the voice of reason that would calmly point out the facts.

Occasionally, she would also take over our body during practice when she feels like it. And really, I was more than happy to let her take over our body whenever we had to do training but apparently, despite her enthusiasm; she is vehemently against the idea.

 _You need to train your body._

 ** _Our body_** _._

 _Should you be in real danger,_ she continued, clearly ignoring my correction. _I will take over. But while I have battle experience, our body does not. Ironically, we can easily die again because my leg just cramped while we're running away from an enemy._

I could only wince in embarrassment at the thought.

Eltri had started to make me do certain and specific stretches the moment I wake up and half an hour before I go to sleep. All of the stretches totals into roughly ten minutes but each of them causes extreme pain, discomfort and agony for me to do. They were similar to yoga poses but then again I knew nothing of yoga and have no better way of describing them than this, so yoga poses it is.

If I didn't follow her instructions, my other self would literally flash me my embarrassing memories over and over again. And between pain and humiliation… I chose pain.

Well call me a masochist.

However, after a couple of nights doing this, something strange flashed in our mind.

 **Agility +3**

 **Endurance +3**

 _See! After three_ days _both your agility and endurance increased! My methods are the least time consuming and the most effective at raising our stats!_

And thus my torture routine continued. After a month or two however, my stats are no longer increasing gradually. Now, only after three weeks or so only either my agility or endurance increased; and only by one.

 ** _Did I just hit my limit?_**

 _No. This most likely means that you've mastered the routine. Thankfully, besides the stretching you're also engage in sparring and other strenuous activities that make use of your new found limberness. That's probably the reason why you mastered it faster too._

 ** _So… there's no need for me to do this anymore right?_**

 _Hahaha no. Now we can start on the more advance stretches!_

The advance version of Eltri's stretches made me hurt in places where I thought it was impossible to feel pain in. And was it possible to even have a butt cramp? I know that it's still a muscle but… was it **_normal_**?

 _That reminds me, we're going to start mental training too soon._

 ** _Mental training? For what?_**

 _You'll see._

Bloody hell I was not looking forward to this… 'mental training' of hers…

I shall skip the years of when I was a baby because it was one of the most horribly embarrassing things I have ever experienced, but long story short I was brought up by the family of my mother's er… relatives? I do not know the circumstances of why I could not live with my own parents but Nobutsuna-san told me that when the time comes, he would tell me.

My aunt Akaashi Ringo is a civilian, a merchant's daughter who owns a clothing shop that makes –freaking beautiful as shit- kimonos. While their son may have his father's coloring, everything else was from his mother. She was tall, fair with high cheekbones, full lashes and a slightly pointed nose. Ringo-san is gentle with a warm personality that augments her appearance. She is soft spoken, polite, and caring woman who fusses over the both of us from time to time.

With her grace and kind manners, she lets others know quietly that while she may be soft, she is not to be taken lightly. Especially if it concerns health, something that both Keiji and I learned the hard way. I wouldn't be really surprised if she was actually a princess in disguise or something… Ringo-san was apparently also knowledgeable about ikebana and origami which she was more than willing to teach me when I showed interest in them.

On the plus side it also increased my **Mind** and **Charm**. No idea what the last one is for but yay for the increase!

Uncle is Akaashi Nobutsuna, Captain ANBU of… wait for it, Kirigakure-no-sato. Yup. Yup indeed. Upon realization I was living in the Bloody Mist Village, I cried for hours. It hit me that we were in the Naruto verse, my fear expanded by a million and I did not want to leave the safety of my room. I became afraid of my uncle just because he was a shinobi and I would run away from him and hide behind his wife. It was a stressful and confusing period for the two of them.

But my uncle has never been neglectful or even scornful of my behavior. At some point I had screamed that I was afraid of ninjas and that I did not want to become one. With tears and snot streaming down my face, I ran away from him. Of course the ANBU captain could easily catch up to me; I had starting screaming and yelling when he picked me up and… hugged me.

I thrashed around and begged Eltri to take over the body just so we could get away but she never responded to my mental pleas. Eventually I tired myself out and slumped in his hold. That's when my uncle finally spoke.

"Why are you afraid?" _Of me,_ went unsaid but it hung in the air.

"You kill people." My three year old voice answered weakly. I felt him tense and his hold on me tightened just a second before it loosened.

"How do you know?"

"You're a ninja. Ninja's kill." As a child, you would think that being a ninja would be cool. Just like how children thinks that they could grow up into superheroes like Captain America or Batman. They loved the fact that their heroes are strong, that they are indestructible and looked up to. But it's only because those are the things that they understand.

Children are ignorant of the things that they do not like or don't understand. They do not grasp the fact that they need to work hard to get to where they need to go. In the Naruto verse, children look up to shinobi's because it's the closest thing they have to superheroes. But they do not see how grueling the actual task is. They may have to kill. They may break under pressure. They may make mistakes. They could bleed and feel pain. And most importantly, they could die.

I did not want to be a shinobi. I did not want to live in the Bloody Mist.

And. I. Don't. Want. To. Die.

"I don't want to stay here…" I mumbled weakly.

Again my uncle waited till I could only splutter out sobs. "I… Don't want to die…. I don't want to get hurt…." I twisted myself even more and clutched at his wet shirt. He smelled of damp earth and rain.

"I'm scared…" I wonder how many times have I said it now? I hated trying new things back in my old life. I always picked the exact same thing. Same order at Starbucks, bought the same drink, cereal and soap brands… My life was a routine, my choices were a routine and while I did complain about how boring and predictable I was, I didn't want it to change. I felt safe.

I don't like being put under pressure or on the spot. I do not want to bear heavy responsibilities. I do not want to fail, to be embarrassed. To be laughed at, to be humiliated. I was and still am afraid of it oh so very much. I'm afraid of failing other's expectations but even more so my own.

"If you are afraid then get stronger." I could feel the rumble in his chest as he spoke, tickling my cheek. "Get stronger till you conquer your fear and everything else that makes you afraid. Do not stay where you are, move and keep moving." He sighs, pulling away. "But don't forget that you still have us as well child."

At the time I didn't understand the meaning of his words. Maybe it was because I was still a child and the fact that I had lived a very happy civilian life with little to no violence that I didn't. Maybe Eltri did, but she had been quiet since I ran away and-

 _The first person that can save you is yourself. If you don't try, if you can't embrace the changes, you'll die. Ignoring all of this will be the same as rejecting an offer to save yourself in the first place._

My chest burns, but it is not out of fear like it was always is. And somewhere in the distance, I could hear the sound of pouring rain.

 _After all, how can you expect to be saved if you yourself won't accept any help in the first place?_

"Children."

My head snapped up and quickly scrambled to get up, ignoring the muscles screaming in protest. My reminiscing was cut short as a man came to stand over the two of us.

While I'm glad that Eltri is keeping me alive, I am not glad that she's driving me to my –abysmal- limit every training session. She won't let me sleep till she's satisfied with my performance which is pretty much never. Fortunately enough, I seem to be able to heal rather quickly so I can't exactly complain much or anything…

But hey, after the whole shocking confession with my uncle, guess who had a dramatic increase in **Courage**? Like **+15** in one shot! I mean, the highest points I've gotten was **+7** for my **Agility** after doing Eltri's advance for just two days. That's right. Seven points in just two freaking days. Talk about extreme…

"Tou-sama."

"Nobutsuna-san."

A tall pale skin man with shoulder length black hair and gray dressed in a light green yukata nodded at our greeting. My knees shook in protest but I forced my five year old self to stand. Beside me, I knew that he was feeling the same thing too.

The older shinobi took in our disheveled state with a hint of a smile that disappeared just a second later. "Dinner at half an hour. Go clean yourself up you two."

"Hai." We chorused. But even after he left, we still stayed sprawled on the floor. After a couple of minutes though, the aching dulls till they disappear completely. I lazily got to my feet and stretched out my limbs.

"Keiji, we have to go now."

"Mmm…" Came his noncommittal answer. I grunted and turned to look down at the other boy in the room.

I had told Eltri all that I knew about Naruto. Not that I know much in the first place actually; I stopped reading after the first arc in Shippuuden and didn't touch the series until Sasuke confronted the revived Hokages. Yeah, quite a long time isn't it? Also, I was raised in Kirigakure and not Konoha; a problem that Eltri immediately picked up on.

Since the series followed its namesake, everything either takes place where Naruto is or at his village. Hell I vaguely remembered something about the Akatsuki attacking the village… Or was it just Pein and his clones…. Wait, were they even clones or… You know what, best not to think about the details too much when your muscles are practically jelly and your stomach roaring in hunger.

I could only roll my eyes in exasperation when Keiji flopped uselessly back to the ground after I helped him up.

In our mindscape Eltri chuckled.

"Keiji, I'm hungry." I whined. "I want to go now."

"But… I can't feel my legs."

Keiji or 'Kei' is Nobutsuna-san and Ringo-san's only son. And while Nobutsuna-san rarely had the time to train us, he trained us with equality; there was no favoritism at all. While Ringo-san may occasionally spoil us, Nobutsuna-san was in charge of discipline. Thankfully with Keiji's uh, personality and me frequently being too tired to even do anything else besides eat, sleep and train, we rarely got into any serious trouble.

Said boy's nature allows him to move along the current but somehow still able to go at his own pace. In my opinion, he was more mature than kids his own age –including me though Eltri seem to digress- Keiji was a quick thinker and during the times we spar against each other, he had pulled a couple of moves that would have ended the spar more times than I could count.

He hits fast and he hits hard, something that I wouldn't be able to stand against without my seemingly endless reserves and fast healing. It was predictable. Keiji would attack first and I would try my best to avoid and strike back which wouldn't be until the boy begins to tire. I wasn't as fast as him yet nor does my strike have any power in them, but that just means that I just have to whittle his defenses till I win. –which is rare-

Besides practicing, we would actually come out and play ninjas or anything else with the other kids. At home while Ringo-san is busy teaching me, Keiji occasionally joins us despite my teasing of him being called girly by the other boys if they learned about this.

"Well good for them then." Said the five year old with a shrug. Then he pointed at one of the flowers and asked for its meaning. Talk about a mature much.

Occasionally we would read together as well and since reading and writing was the only thing I was ahead of him of, I would read the stories out loud. Or you know, totally diverge from the book plot and tell him my own version. Or Eltri's. Whoever is controlling the body really. I even threw in several stories about my world and those from my world a couple of times and I think Eltri does that too.

I can't help but feel a bit smug and prideful over the fact that Keiji would often bug me for more stories with sparkles in his eyes. I like telling stories, I do it to pass the time, to entertain myself when there isn't much to do or use it as a distraction when I felt homesick and afraid again.

The village isn't so bad either despite the heavy mist that practically rendered my visibility to zero after night time. But after much prodding, I realized that currently the village hasn't earned the nickname Bloody Mist Village. I wondered if I was born in the period before the Fourth Mizukage ruled the village. And if that's so, then we're currently in the time before the third shinobi war…

Or maybe not. Who knows really?

"Kamui."

Ah that's right. It was our new name. Kamui. I rather like it actually, despite being told that it was a rather masculine name for a girl. Actually, it was supposed to be a male name… Maybe my parents had been expecting a boy and had prepared the name beforehand. According to Nobutsuna-san neither of my parents were from Kirigakure and that they were from lands far far away. When I asked for more information about them, he sighs deeply and patted me on the shoulder.

"When you're older Kamui."

"Kamui!"

I jumped at the sudden shake of my hand. When I looked down, I saw that the boy was on his knees and had grabbed hold of my hand. His green eyes were no longer half lidded and instead were focused –drilling holes- into my face.

"Er… yes?" He said nothing and continued to stare at my face before finally shaking his head. "Let's go." I let myself be pulled by the boy to the bathroom and to the dining room once we were done. While I didn't like the feeling of having wet hair stuck to my neck, I knew that Ringo-san would be unappreciative of me wearing a towel-turban at the table so I let my wet hair down.

I purposely hid my hands under the sleeves of my light blue yukata and folded them the way both my uncle and aunt doe; in front and with both hands into the other sleeve. Straightening my back and lifting my chin up, I mustered the most serious look I have on my face. Beside me, Keiji furrowed his brows together.

"Are you sick Kamui?"

"No. Why would you say that?"

"You're making a weird face."

"It's what uncle looks like."

"Tou-sama doesn't look like that Kamui."

"… Sure he does."

"Does that mean that I look like that too?"

"Er…" The silence dragged far longer than I would have liked.

"I'm joking Kamui." He smiles, a teeny tiny smile that shows the dimple on his right cheek and how his eyes seem to brighten on its own. The look on his face makes me want to squish his face and coo about his cuteness while at the same time deliver a galactic punt that would send him to the world that I used to live in.

"That's not funny Keiji!" I cried, flapping my sleeves in attempt to smack that silly look from his face. He giggles lightly but easily ducks out of range. When he suddenly took off into a sprint I quickly went after him, arms flapping like a headless chicken.

"H-Hey! Get back here!"

Less than half an hour ago, the same boy had just complained that he couldn't feel his legs and now said boy is currently running around as if nothing's wrong. Pfft. What a liar.

Slowly I had become accustomed to my new life and while there are still nights where I could vivid replay my memories about my old life, I no longer feel like I'm being drowned by my anxiety. But when I felt too overwhelmed to sleep, Eltri tells me stories about her world and I am lulled to sleep dreaming of the word that she and I both lived in.

 _ **Authors Note**_

 _ **Besides the usual things like HP, STR and SPD, there are other things that I would also like to incorporate into my characters stat like Courage and Charm. Courage because eventually Kamui would need to learn how to speak up her mind amongst other things and charm for seduction and flirting... Plus Eltri can be a total pervert at times and would definitely takeover the body should she see any eye candy that she likes. No lie.**_

 _ **The flow of the story is going to be back and forth for filler chapters that includes explanations or generally a chapter that lacks actions. Also I'm incorporating game elements into the story. Doing certain exercises and talking to others is going to increase her growth stats as well as uncovering relevant 'information' for the plot; just like in RPG games.**_

 _ **Be warned that this story is AU, as in completely and utterly AU that loosely follows the canon. The first few chapters are just introductions especially during the academy days; though I plan on skipping most of it in forms of flashbacks... Maybe. Possibly. Hope to read your reviews soon, and see you on the next chapter!**_


	4. Chapter 3

"Come on now everybody, let's go. And Kamui, please be careful and watch your step." Warned Ringo-san as she gives me a stern look. I pursed my lips in a childish pout as Eltri chuckled in our mindscape. It had been raining the previous night and thus puddles of water were everywhere. It was just earlier today that I had slipped on the veranda, causing me to fall flat on my face.

Of course, my reaction was to laugh off the pain and even if there was a bruise, it would have been healed like all my other injuries. Unfortunately, the only thing I couldn't hide was the loud thudding, banging and yelping that I did which attracted the attention of both my aunt and Keiji.

And despite the obscene amount of training I had done for the past six years of my life, I couldn't recover fast enough from my position to prevent them from seeing my awkwardly sprawled form on the form.

Joy.

"I thought a stampede had come through the veranda." Said Keiji.

If I could stomp my foot I would. But alas, my butt hurts and I am in no position to do so.

"Kamui dear, are you alright?" Fretted my aunt as she helped me up to my feet. I shot the dark haired boy a dirty look before smiling back at the worried redhead.

"I'm fine Ringo-san, the floor was wet and I wasn't looking properly that's all."

"Please be more careful dear. Now hurry along, we need to get ready and leave in half an hour for the party."

It was a party for one of Ringo-san's mutal friend's son. Er… I think. I wasn't quite paying attention when she told us a couple of nights ago since Eltri was sieving through my memories without a care in the world. On the outside I had been calmly eating dinner. But on the inside, I was screaming like mad for my other self to stop raiding my personal things.

Feh, talk about self-control.

I hurried to my room and changed into the kimono that had been my present earlier this spring. It was a colorful thing really; it was dark blue, the same color as most of the yukata's I owned, with swirls of light green and orange goldfish swimming at the hem of the garment and it's sleeves.

While I was in love with this kimono of mine –I was quite fast in putting it on courtesy of Ringo-san- the colors clearly made me stand out. I was fair skinned but a bit paler than the usual, like some of the higher class people in Kirigakure apparently, my hair is a long untamable waves of platinum blonde hair that I like to keep in a braid and a pair of red eyes.

No one in Kiri had any of those characteristics as far as I knew. When the other kids were being particularly mean, they wouldn't allow me to play and called me 'creepy-eyes' till I ran back home crying. Keiji hadn't been with me then since he had fallen sick at the time and Ringo-san was busy preparing dinner so neither of them had noticed me coming back.

And while I did mention that I had played with other kids, I had only played a handful of times with them; and all had been with Keiji. I never dared to go out without him in fear of being teased again. Thankfully, I could preoccupy myself just fine with books and Ringo-san's lessons.

I had forgotten how mean kids could be.

I glanced at the books piled up at the corner of the room, I only had three at the moment but within time I knew that I would end up collecting more. With the allowance that we receive each month, Eltri had taken over and bought some medical books that would look incredibly silly for a five year old to buy. However the shopkeeper didn't even seem to bat an eye when we present the books on the counter and merely waved me off after the purchase was done.

When I had asked her what it's for but then she told me that it was going to be our next lesson. So now my routine was for me to read the book about chakra and the human body –more specifically the pressure points and the vital points- before doing the advance stretches after I wake up and before I go to bed. Save for Saturdays and Sundays; which is when I have to go and spar with Keiji.

 ** _Reading things like this is great and all, but how am I supposed to gain actual experience if I have nothing to practice on?_**

 _Oh you will soon enough._

 ** _I am not going to do it to Keiji._**

 _I never said anything about the boy. Besides, I want you to memorize all of them by the end of the year._

 ** _What?_**

 _Oh and don't worry about the practical, I got that part covered. Just focus on memorizing them. I'll be quizzing you as well so be prepared~_

Once Ringo-san had made sure that everything was ready, we were pretty much ushered out to the house and into the main street. However to my utter disbelief, shame and embarrassment, I slipped and nearly fell into a nearby puddle. My kimono was almost ruined!

Keyword, almost.

Keiji seems to take this as a cue to slip his hand into mine and tugged me along. I huff at him and could feel Eltri's amusement tickling above the surface of my skin. Even without looking back, I could tell that Ringo-san has found this appealing since she was emitting a rather positive emotion. It felt like butterflies in my stomach; but not the bad kind if you know what I mean.

The moment I had become aware of chakra, Eltri was able to unlock one of her abilities. Not only am I able to always know who and where people are –even when they're releasing just the barest amount of chakra- I'm also able to feel their emotions within a certain range.

The latter is a bit complicated and similar to synesthesia. See, let's say there's three people standing in a room and are feeling three different types of emotions. The moment I step into the room, I first would l feel as if I've been rammed to a wall, suffocate and finally crushed by gravity or buried alive under a pile of boulders.

Because I wouldn't feel them one by one; I would have felt all of them at the same time. But it's definitely worse if they're all feeling negative emotions.

Certain words and sounds also feels differently for me. For example, saying Keiji's name or hearing his name is the same as soaking in lukewarm water. The warm tingly feeling that quickly spreads all over you… It's also like how his chakra feels. My name on the other hand, feels like the gentle push and pull of the water as you float.

Eltri had advised me to use it bit by bit to get used to it but only when I know that there isn't a lot of people –my current maximum is 3 and that's already a stretch- and at the very least, there should be one person that I am personally close with to lessen the… stress. I'm just thankful that this ability of hers is something that I could turn on and off by will and not something I have to go through each time I sense my surroundings.

We ended up walking to the central part of the village where the well-off citizens are living in. It was just about ten in the morning and the mist isn't as thick; I could spot a large compound up ahead with and sense a number of people inside.

"Ringo-san, where are we going again?"

"It's the wedding of one of Nobutsuna's former student." Replied my aunt. "Your father would be joining us later on as well. He just needs to settle some things at work first." Keiji and I nodded. When we made it into the compound, we were immediately greeted by the guards. After verifying that we were indeed invited guests, we made our way to the main hall.

 ** _Someone's coming._**

 _Who-_

And then I was hit with the distinctive sense of rain. The smell, sound and feel of rain. The coolness of the water didn't feel heavy but instead soothing. All I know that despite how heavy it was raining, it felt nice.

"Hello Akaashi-san."

I blinked out of my trance. A pair of strangers was standing in front of us; one an adult, the other a child our age. They were distinctively similar with both physical appearance and their presence since they both reminded me of standing underneath a pouring rain.

"Ah, if it isn't Yamamoto-san and Takeshi-kun! Hello to you both!" Chimed the redhead. I looked over to both Yamamoto's. They were lightly tanned with similar short dark hair and caramel eyes. The younger boy smiled and made a quick bow to my aunt before looking over to me and Keiji.

The moment our eyes met, his smile widened and I swear that for a second time had stopped. "Nice to meet you!" And then my heart had just skipped a beat. This boy right here is the literal definition of adorableness.

…

Bloody hell, don't tell me I have a crush on a five year old child?!

 ** _*cough*cough* Craddle snatcher._**

 _Shut it._

I forced my face to remain neutral despite the fact that I could feel it flushing to an embarrassing color. "Hello." I squeaked and immediately half-hide myself behind my aunt while Keiji did a more formal. "Hello."

The older Yamamoto laughed heartily while the younger one was practically beaming sunshine. My face colored even more.

"This is my son and niece, Keiji and Kamui. Children, this is Yamamoto Tsuyoshi and his son Takeshi-kun."

"I suppose that we are both early yes?" Laughed Tsuyoshi. "I'm pretty sure Nobutsuna's coming right after he finishes whatever it is that's holding him back am I right?"

My aunt laughed. "Yes indeed. Come now, why don't we head in and visit Kimiko-chan and Daisuke-kun before the other guests starts to come."

When we reached the main hall, I was a bit overwhelmed by the number of people running here and there as they set up the last minute decorations. "Since the whole thing doesn't actually start until 11, why don't we let the kids play by themselves to preoccupy them?" Suggested Tsuyoshi.

Apparently the Yamamoto's were somehow related to Daisuke Wakama, the groom, and that Takeshi had been here at least a thousand times or so. The dark eyed boy lead the Keiji and I to the yard which already had several other children playing Ninja.

"Come on! Let's play too!" Cried Takeshi as he pulled on the sleeves of my kimono.

Anxiety consumes me as I remembered the treatments I received from the other children. "Um, n-no thanks… I'll just- uh, be the referee!"

Takeshi's smile turned into a small frown, "You sure?" I don't even have to look at Keiji to know that he was also looking at me. Assessing me. The boy was too smart for his age if he noticed my sudden discomfort.

"Yes." I said with all the conviction I could muster. "It looks like you have enough people already, and I think my aunt would be upset if I dirty my clothes. Plus I can't even run in these even if I wanted to so it wouldn't be fair to me!"

Takeshi seems to understand and accept my explanation with a nod but Keiji made no motion to acknowledge what I just said. I don't miss the way Keiji's eyes staring longer at me than needed as he's pulled by Takeshi to join the group of children.

I sighed and sat myself on the veranda, watching them play and mentally keeping track of who was hiding where. Even from where I was, I could easily track down their presence and the other people in the house. And then suddenly I heard the sound of crashing waves roaring in my ears.

I jumped and whipped my head to the side expecting some old ninja elder with decades of experience in war but instead it was just a boy. A boy my age. My heart begins to beat like crazy and it felt as if it was trying to break out of my ribcage. My skin prickled and all the hair on my arms and the back of my neck are standing straight.

The fact that the loud crushing presence/chakra belonged to a mere boy instead of anything else I had been imagining had left me dumbstruck. I knew staring is rude but I couldn't help it!

The boy's appearance was recognizable but you couldn't quite put a finger as to where you had seen him before. However, the nagging feeling was forced to a corner as disbelief took over. As he came closer, I saw his pupiless staring back to me and after a few seconds he tilts his head to the side and said, "Staring is rude."

The sound of roaring waves hasn't died down but they were slowly calming.

"You're a boy." I blurted.

His brows furrowed into a V. "Obviously." Said the boy with as much annoyance as a six year old could muster. A mild spark of discomfort in my chest reminded me that I haven't turn off my ability and that I was still under its effect.

"I'm sorry, that was rude." I apologized. "I thought you were someone else." I tried again, this time in a much calmer tone. I turned to fully face the boy and sat myself down in a more comfortable position. I flashed him a sheepish grin but unfortunately, he hasn't forgiven me yet.

"And just who were you expecting?" He fired back with his hands across his chest.

"Nobody. I just felt your presence and thought you were someone else." I hurried on, putting my hands up in defense.

"My presence?" He echoed, his anger and annoyance melting away into curiosity. I licked my lips as the taste of sea salt ice cream invaded my tongue. "You mean my chakra?" He presses and the taste becomes even stronger. Something stirs inside of me and I couldn't help but notice the details of my surroundings.

"Yes." I could smell the grass, the dirt, the humidity and the faint incense from within the house. I could hear the sound of the children laughing and screaming. I could feel their joy, the rush, the adrenaline that they felt. I could taste the boy's curiosity like sea salt ice cream and feel his chakra brushing just across the skin of my arms.

"Like the rolling waves of the ocean; strong, loud and unstoppable. It's the first time I felt something like that." I mumbled in a daze. Despite having my senses on hyperaware, it was this boy's sole presence that overpowered them all. When he suddenly took a step forward, a bold step forward, I also felt something else.

 ** _Confusion, loneliness, weariness and a sense of being lost._**

 ** _Loneliness._**

My chest aches and suddenly I couldn't breathe.

The last thing I remember was having felt the pull in my mind and realizing that Eltri had switched with me. She had said something that caused the boy's eyes to widen in surprise before our body shuts down.

My last coherent thought were that his eyes were like brightly colored amethyst.

/

 _Sensing his presence while activating your senses was too much for you. Rest for now._

 ** _But-_**

 _Good night._

Eltri then replayed a scene; her favorite scene of her past. Every time I watched it, I could feel her emotions. I could feel her happiness, her delight; the sense of happiness where you wished that it could just go on forever. I liked that memory of hers but at the same time it showed...

How lonely I was.

Right. That's probably why I passed out.

Activating my senses makes me far more sensitive to everything including negative emotions. The loneliness I had felt from him brought my own feelings roaring back to life. The ones that I had tried to squash down and suppressed. The ones that I had begged to god to keep it under control. In my past life, it had worked.

I don't know how and I don't know when it started but I was able to create a defense mechanism for myself. When someone yells, screams or even angry or disappointed in me, I felt nothing. I felt numb. It wasn't as if I became sassy as hell and sassed back at them all, I didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything. I just felt numb. My face goes blank, my posture doesn't say intimidated or angry.

Nothing. In the face of those emotions I felt nothing. I said nothing.

And after they've said their piece, I couldn't even get mad at them back. Because my emotions were all numbed. There was no fear holding me back, no anger clouding my judgment. I can easily look at them all in the eye and say, "Is that all?" or "So what?" and I won't even feel guilty about it. I don't even feel worried about it.

At first I thought it was a good thing. I felt it was a good thing. But then after for so long, I became afraid. I was afraid I couldn't feel anymore. How was I supposed to act? What was I supposed to say? Who can I tell? Should I even tell anyone? But isn't that expecting too much of them?

Wouldn't they then feel obligated to try and make me feel better? Was that selfish of me? How could I even tell them? Would it even make sense to them? Is something wrong with me?

A small part of me says yes and a large part of me says no. No nothing is wrong. Everything is fine. Nothing could hurt me. Nothing can hurt me. Nothing will hurt me. I will be fine. I am fine. Everything is fine. I have never thought that I was suffering. I never felt that I was suffering from my inability to feel. But… I was so out of touch with my own emotions that when I shared Eltri's ability, it practically overwhelmed me.

The loneliness I felt from that boy was an echo to my own. I couldn't reach out to anybody in fear of not being understood. Of being mocked, hated, humiliated, undermined, used, exposed-

The list could go on forever.

I was so afraid. I was so numb. I was so lonely.

And after I felt the boy's loneliness, I realized that I was still all of that too.

When I woke up, I felt – _warm, lukewarm water-_ Keiji more than I saw him. I was back in my room and everything was in complete darkness. Keiji is curled next to me on my bed and he is close enough for me to feel his breath on my skin. I don't dare move in fear of waking him up but both my back and legs were desperately in need of stretching.

"Keiji." I whispered.

"Kamui?" Came his immediate reply. Ah, so he wasn't asleep just yet. I heard him shuffle on the bed and his body heat quickly warmed my own despite already being under a blanket.

"What happened?"

"Chakra exhaustion. That's what father said anyway. You okay?"

"…"

"Kamui?" Keiji presses and his hand is suddenly on my bicep. He was shaking.

"Kamui what's wrong?" His voice is breaking, his breathing is hitched. All the signs that he's on the verge of crying.

"Kamui say something!" I'm waiting for the guilt to consume me but there was nothing. I felt nothing as I watch, hear and feel my childhood friend breaking, hurting and worrying.

What is wrong with me?

"Kamui-"

"Keiji, don't cry."

Don't cry because there is nothing I can do to comfort you.

Don't cry because I am not worth your tears.

Don't cry because I am not worth your love and care.

Don't cry because I won't be able to stop your tears.

Don't cry because I wouldn't know what to do or say.

Don't cry because I'm oh so very selfish.

"Please don't cry." I mumbled with a dry throat.

But he cries anyway. He cries and buried his head to my shoulder. His knees are pressed awkwardly against my own and our position is incredibly uncomfortable. But I don't have the heart nor strength to push him away. I pat on his back in a slow rhythm and hummed a tune. Keiji pulls on to me even tighter and I could feel his tears soaking through my clothes.

I didn't know how long we stayed like that or who feel asleep first. All I know is that when I wake up for the second time, Keiji is still here and that he was gripping on to my hand as if it was a lifeline. After that it was often for Keiji to sleep over in my room. Not as close as the time I suddenly passed out, but I think he just wants to reassure himself that I was still there before he goes to sleep and when he wakes up.

/

For the next few months I was brought in and out of the hospitals for checkups and tests. All results showed that I was perfectly normal and that there was nothing wrong with me save for the insane chakra reserves I had. Nobutsuna-san became stricter during training, always watching me and Keiji like a hawk and Ringo-san as well.

Eltri had told me that something was wrong. The fact that they were both acting like this, being so out of character, even after the hospital said that I was fine meant something was wrong. There was something that they weren't telling me. But I didn't dare ask and Eltri doesn't press anymore than that.

I now have a curfew and was expected to be asleep by the time which was no problem at all since both adults have exhausted both my mental and physical stamina by the end of the day. We met with Tsuyoshi and Takeshi far more frequently by now. Takeshi had even stayed over and trained along with us for more than a couple of times. I had been overjoyed by this and it was also a good thing that Keiji seem to have taken a liking to Takeshi as well.

Once my new schedule had settled, the next big thing to happen was us entering the academy. And it was during roll call that I met the boy who's curiosity tasted like sea salt ice cream.

"-Yagura."

"Here."

I stiffened and even against Eltri's warning, turned on my senses. I knew that voice. I could easily single it out against the other noises. And just like before, the sound of crashing waves roared in my ears; overwhelming everything else in the room entirely. Just sitting two rows in front of me, the messy haired boy stiffened and slowly looked over his shoulder. The taste of sea salt was just as strong as the first time and his eyes, even when they widened in surprise was still a brilliant color of amethyst.

Realization quickly hit me like lightning.

That's why, he was so familiar. This boy right here, the boy who's chakra drowns everything else with the roar of crashing waves, who's curiosity tasted like sea salt ice cream and eyes like brightly shining gems… was Yagura.

 ** _Authors Note_**

 ** _So sorry for the long wait everybody, but here it is a new chapter. And yes, if you have noticed a pattern, only those who Kamui makes a comparison too will play a big part in her life/story. Eltri's powers are utterly OP in my opinion but then the consequences are incredibly severe as well. It's something so that Kamui doesn't rely too much on it. This is a rather slow build up and there are still several other characters (I think) that I want to introduce before we move on to the genin days._**

 ** _If you have questions regarding how Kamui's new powers work, feel free to ask me. And thank you all so much for following and putting this on your favorite list! Until next time!_**


	5. Chapter 4

The beginning years of my academy days were… interesting for a lack of better word. The first year was used to introduce us the basics of everything including the history and politics of our village. The second year was when the girls were introduced to kunoichi classes and the year we started to apply what we learned into our practical. And after the first year, taijutsu class had become a pain for me.

The clan kids easily scored higher marks than the rest and during sparring matches; they love to flaunt their clan's style –especially those with a kekkei genkai- Despite most of them being cocky show-offs, some of them were actually pretty good. Putting that aside, the thing I remembered most about our third year was how Yagura and Arugami Rouga had beaten all of the clan kids in our class during sparring matches.

With both of them being both clanless and orphans, it didn't sit quite right with the clan kids. Of course, tensions between them and non-clan kids have always been there. However, by our third year, it pretty much escalated to the point where I don't even need to use Eltri's ability to sense the hostility; we were just nine years old for crying out loud! There was nothing our teachers could do, and we all pretty much learned how to suck it up no matter how bad it got.

The fourth year was when things… changed. I was on speaking terms with nearly all the civilian kids but my closest friends still remained as Takeshi and Keiji. Ironically, Yagura seems to keep his distance with me since our first year while Rouga had become my rival in pretty much everything. Frustratingly enough, my scores are all about average while his is considered the top of the class.

Our rivalry was born from the day we were assigned to each other as sparring partners near the end of our second year. In our first match, I beat him. In the second it was him. The third was me and the rest is history. That cocky little shit always has a smirk plastered on his face and it turns into a shit-eating grin when he wins the day's match.

I thought that the silver haired boy would be a total meat head but I was wrong. Not only is he strong but he's pretty damn smart as well. It annoys me to hell and back when I remember that Yagura and he are pretty much the constant top two students in our class. But hey, he probably trains and studies harder than me so I can't quite say that he doesn't deserve his scores. Then again, I do feel that this rivalry is only one-sided…

Unfortunately for me, Rouga always sits a seat behind me and gets a rather clear view of my area. And the little brat tends to scoff at my scores whenever we get them back. See, I actually don't like sitting at the back since I can't seem to hear quite right; especially if our lecturer has a soft voice, like Rukia-sensei. The front is not exactly my preference either so I like to sit in the middle just a little bit close to the front.

After we started getting paired together, I had noticed that he actually sits right behind my desk. Though prior to that, I have never really paid much attention to the silver haired boy so I never knew where he actually sat. That and how he is often surrounded by a flock of people who would follow him around like lost puppies. Rouga and Yagura had become the unofficial leaders of the civil kids and most of them really look up to those two. Though ironically, they don't actually get along with each other at all.

Around this time, some of the clan kids have awakened their kekkei genkai and now they were on another playing field. It only drove a further wedge between them and us in terms of skills and the possibility of becoming a ninja. After this, more kids dropped out and now I could easily count the number of civilian kids on my hands.

This only meant that the bullying got worse and now our instructors are now blatantly being biased to the clan kids. It was as if we didn't even exist! Hell, the only reason why Keiji and I weren't treated as unfairly as the civilians were because of Nobutsuna-san! Yagura and Rouga were treated with indifference despite their achievements while the other kids were pretty much ignored.

The politics of a clan, I learned, was a scary, scary thing.

Takeshi was pretty much the mediator whenever something happened inside our class. That's because he's the only other person –besides our instructors- whom they listen to. He was the only clan kid that didn't act superior to the rest of us and still reached out to both sides. I mean of course there were clan kids who didn't bully the civilians but they mostly kept to themselves to avoid trouble.

I don't exactly blame them either since I was pretty sure that I would do the exact same thing.

Of course, Takeshi would often get called out for hanging around with Keiji and I or even when he's practicing and playing with the civilian kids but this boy would just laugh it off and let it roll right off his shoulders. I don't know whether Takeshi is actually far mature than he's letting on or if he's truly oblivious, but I could only applaud him for sticking to his beliefs.

Something that I had failed to do in my previous life.

"Red-eyes." The familiar nickname brought me back to reality. Rouga wasn't like the other kids in Kirigakure. While most of us were pale skinned and with dark hair and eyes, there were a few of our people that were tanned like the Yamamoto clan and even fewer who have bright colored eyes. Rouga has silver upturned hair and blue eyes. Something that made him stick out like a sore thumb much like my own appearance.

I have never seen the other children made fun of his appearance but maybe it's because they knew that Rouga could easily beat them up.

My eyes skimmed over the returned test before twisting in my seat to look at his paper. Mentally I rolled my eyes at his near perfect score before flipping it over so I could read his test. Grabbing mines, I looked over my mistakes over his right answers before scribbling them on the side of my paper. "Didn't you say that History was your best subject?" he drawls.

"Yeah, but you're smarter," I replied airily.

"Took you long enough to realize."

"Oi, don't push it."

Rouga scoffs and leaves me to copy his answers in silence. "Why do you always copy mines?" Or not.

I peered up and saw the silver haired boy staring down at me with a half-lidded stare. With his elbow propped at the desk and his chin on his palm, he looked bored. The rest of the class was also busy chatting about our returned test and Rukia-sensei had to leave the classroom after another instructor "called her out.

"Because you have the right answers," I answered slowly, "and you're the closest person next to me. Plus, you let me." I added after a second thought.

"You don't exactly ask for permission." Rouga pointed out. "And I rather not rip my paper trying to get it back."

"You can just ask me."

"Right back at you."

Damn, burn~

Shut it Eltri.

"Aright. Fine." I exhaled through my nose. "May I borrow your paper, please?"

"A little bit too late for that, don't you think?"

"I forgot my manners." I deadpanned. "So I'm making up for it right now. I apologize if I was troubling you."

"You don't sound like you're sorry."

"I'm sowwy Ro-chan~" I trilled while batting my eyelashes in an exaggerating manner at the silver haired boy. I smiled smugly at his cringing expression and laughed when he shivered in disgust. "What? That not good enough for you?" My smirk only widens when he scowled and scooted even further to his seat.

"That was disgusting!"

"And you were being a little shit so suck it up."

My good mood only lasted till after lunch where Rouga and I were partnered together to spar –again- and he promptly wiped the floor with me. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Once class was over Mebuki-sensei had called several kids to stay back while the rest head back inside for the next class. There were six of us in total; three clan kids, Murata Fumi, Takashi Torii and Kataoka Jun, and three civilians, Junoichi Hiromi, Yamazaki Daisuke and me.

Mebuki-sensei made us gather around him and waited till no other children were within earshot. "By now, all of you should know that you each excel in a certain area and are further ahead than the rest of your classmates." The moment he said it, my mind instantly went to Yagura and Rouga. They were both further than the rest of the class by leaps and bounds so why aren't they here?

I could faintly feel four other presences near our group and judging from how faint they were, whoever they are were hiding from us. I looked at where I was sure they were standing, blatantly ignoring Mebuki-sensei's explanation. When one of them suddenly spiked their killer intent, Eltri quickly switched with me and as a result, out of all of us, I was the only one less affected by it.

The killer intent that I felt, the first one I ever felt was like the cold kiss of a blade pressed against my neck. While Fumi, Jun, and Hiromi are shaking furiously and breathing heavily, Torii and Daisuke, on the other hand, were rooted on the spot and have started breaking into cold sweat. Jun, on the other hand, had started hyperventilating. I shivered in our mindscape while my body froze in place while I forcefully swallowed bile back down my throat.

With Eltri taking over, she was able to use her abilities to their full usage and she was able to measure the amount of chakra these strangers have.

They're close. Closer than you initially thought. Three male, one female; their all standing apart from each other almost forming a semi-circle formation. The one who just flared their killer intent is the one of the males coming from left side.

"Ah, they're here." Said Mebuki-sensei nonchalantly while my classmates were still shivering from the after effects. "Okay then, I'll be leaving them in your care. Remember kids, just listen and follow their instructions." He muses before leaving in a swirl of water. Jerk.

All four jounins appeared silently in front of our little group and the first person that stood out to me was a blue shark.

I kid you not.

A blue shark. A blue shark-man.

Not only was he blue but he was also tall. Like massive tall. Gigantic. Like a titan. And I felt so so small standing near him. He also has small, round, white eyes, gill-like facial markings under his eyes and sharp triangular teeth that showed when he grinned down at the rest of us. He even had an equally gigantic sword strapped on to his back. How he was able to put it on his back like it's nothing makes me wonder whether he's using chakra or if he also has an equally monstrous strength or something.

And then I realized who this man was.

So far the only canon character I had met was Yagura and I had a rough estimation of what timeline I was in which was about 15-20 years before the actual story had progressed and roughly around the time before the Third Shinobi War escalated. But when I had learned history, it turned out that I couldn't be more wrong.

The war had been over for ten years. The year our batch was born was also the year that the Third Shinobi War had ended. To say that I was confused was an understatement. How could there be a young Yagura in the time after the war? Wasn't he supposed to be the Mizukage before the war? There were so many questions that I needed to be answered but after asking Nobutsuna-san, the elder warned me not to.

Apparently Kirigakure had lost a lot during the war and asking questions –insensitive questions were what he wanted to say but Nobutsuna-san isn't that kind of a man- would just be like pouring salt over open wounds. He tried to answer me as best as he could but even so, the war was a painful memory for him and I stopped when I could feel his own feelings flooding my chest.

When I went to discuss this with Eltri, she had offered that with two foreign souls entering a different world, both of our presence could have caused a ripple and changed things be it in the past, present or future.

I know this man.

And I showed Eltri all the memories I have of him. Eltri hums in thanks now went to look at the other three jounins. When either of us gathered information, we're able to share them between the two of us. It actually comes in the form of a book filled with all the mental notes or things we wanted or have shared between us two. The book updates itself and could be summoned by the one in the mind scape.

Profiles of the people we have met are updated whenever we get new information on them; and as I summoned the book to my hand, it opened to its newest entry, Hoshigaki Kisame.

"Pathetic, just a weak killer intent and they all freeze up." One of the men hissed. "If this was a battlefield, they would have been dead already." He has long dark red-brown hair tied to a braid with slanted dark eyes.

"Aw, you're just saying that because your candidate had just failed your impossibly high expectations." Teased another male. He was bald with a vicious looking scar on the nape of his neck that reaches the underside of his jaw. His tone was light-hearted but he didn't feel too happy with the situation either.

The only female in the group didn't even bother to look at us and was sighing with her hands over her chest. She was rather pretty with dark brown hair cut in a bobbed hair style. She looked as if she wanted to be anywhere but here. Or she's just completely bored. I can't really tell. They all wore the standard jounin attire with slight variations on them. The female jounin wore a light blue yukata that ended to her knees with shorts peeking underneath and a long sleeved fishnets shirts and fingerless gloves. She was the only one that wasn't wearing her headband on her forehead like the rest and instead it rested against her collarbones.

"Who are you?" All eyes snapped to Jun who had recovered enough to be able to stand again despite how his knees were still shaking just a little bit.

"Your possible future jounin sensei." Answered the bald man.

"Huh?"

"I want Yamazaki and Takashi to follow me." Snapped the brown haired man, ignoring Jun's confusion and my clear discomfort. "If you can't then say goodbye to your chances of becoming a shinobi kids." He turns on his heels and begins to walk away, I watched in silent sympathy as both boys struggled to chase after the jounin who looked like he gave no shit about their wellbeing.

"Huh, impatient as always." Murmured the bald man. "Then I'll be taking Fumi-chan and Jun-kun then!" With a speed that I couldn't even keep up with, he grabs on to the both of them and disappeared in a swirl of water. Unfortunately, Eltri didn't move away in time and received splashes of water on the front of my clothes.

That only left me and Hiromi. Kisame turns to look at the female jounin and gives her a smirk. "I do hope that you won't turn this one into a blubbering fool like with the last one Daimon." Daimon scoffs and rolled her eyes in irritation. "And I hope you don't eat yours when you get hungry." She deadpans. "Come along Hiromi-kun."

Hiromi and I share a brief look; I think we were both thinking the same thing really. He briefly looks at the tall blue shark man before mouthing good luck and following Daimon-sensei who had started to walk away from the academy without him.

"That leaves you with me." Grinned the shark man.

"Surprising us like that wasn't nice." Said Eltri with a disapproving frown. "The bald man sounded nice and easy going but he was the one that raised his killer intent didn't he?" Eltri didn't even hesitate and easily met the small beady eyes of the tall jounin. Kisame looked amused and I could also feel his curiosity like the small mental pulls in the back of my mind.

"Oh? And what makes you so sure of that?"

"You aren't denying it."

"But I'm not agreeing to it either." Countered Kisame. "Do you know why the six of you have been singled out from the rest of your classmates?"

Eltri shakes her head. Probably should have listened to Mebuki-sensei. Darn it.

"Because we took an interest in each of you. Supposedly it's like an apprenticeship but it's entirely up to the jounin whether they actually want to take you in or not."

"Oh. So you took an interest in me?"

Kisame barked out a laugh. "And why do you sound so surprised?"

Eltri shrugged. "Because you are completely different from me." Eltri pointed out. "Your chakra reserves are insane. Almost as much as Yagura's so you're definitely not a genjutsu specialists or medical expert but a ninjutsu and taijutsu specialists. Your physique and weapon pretty much screams a hard hitter which is something that I'm not and I think you're actually making a mistake if you end up making me your apprentice."

There was a full stretch of silence before the shark man broke into large guffaws. Laughing so hard that there were actual tears in his eyes and having him sink to his knees. I watched in confusion while I felt nothing coming from Eltri.

"There's two boys in my class, Yamamoto Takeshi, and Arugami Rouga, I think they're both-"

"You can bullshit your teachers at school kid. But you can't sell your bullshit to me. You're sharper than you let on." He's still smirking but his tone was serious. Eltri takes a step back and shook her head defiantly. "I don't know what you're talking about, my scores are all mediocre and my taijutsu is-"

His hands shot forward and Eltri moves to sidestep with ease. Then everything moved too fast for me to follow.

Eltri, Eltri stop! He'll know that we've been faking it the whole time!

I can't. He's really fighting to kill us. You may not feel it but he's exerting more killing intent than the other man from before.

Despite Kisame's large appearance, he was fast. Eltri had been forced to go on the defensive since the beginning and in a split second, he pins her down with a knee to her back.

"An academy student," drawled Kisame's voice from above as he twists Eltri's hand behind her back, "wouldn't have lasted even one second against a seasoned jounin. And yet you had fended me off for a total of twenty-three seconds before I pinned you down."

"You weren't even serious." Eltri hissed through gritted teeth. "True," he agreed. "but I was giving off killing intent that would have paralyzed even a trained genin squad you know. And yet somehow, for twenty-three seconds, you were still fighting."

"If I didn't you would have killed me in a heartbeat."

"Really?" Kisame laughs and he loosens his hold on her arm. "You aren't one ordinary kid." When he finally stood up from his position, Eltri rolled onto her back and stretched. "You are far more advanced in taijutsu than the rest of your peers even against the clan kids, why didn't you use this against your opponent before?"

Eltri glared at the towering figure above her. "Because this is still an underdeveloped style. I want to use this against my opponents after I perfect it and not when they could spot its weakness a mile away." She muttered begrudgingly.

"Wow, I think this is the first time you're actually honest with me!"

"And you have a rather morbid sense of humor." She bit back, referring to when he had feigned ignorance in not trying to kill her off. And then after a moment, "You still haven't told me your name."

"It's Kisame kid."

"Well, Kisame-san-

"Just Kisame will do. I am still only nineteen after all. I ain't no old timer like Tetsu-san and Kira-san."

"What the heck!" Eltri spluttered as she shot up so fast, my head was spinning for a few seconds. Kisame seemed to have been startled too since he was staring at her with wide eyes.

"You- you're only nineteen?!" Eltri shrieked. "How in the world did you make it to jounin at such a young age?! Why would you want an apprentice when you're so young?! Are you really nineteen?! Don't lie to me, because I can tell if you're lying right off the bat okay?! Don't you know that having an apprentice is similar to having commitments for raising a child?! Why would you burden yourself with-oomph!"

One large hand was pressed firmly against her mouth, effectively cutting her off. Kisame had a frown on his face and was actually kneeling face to face with Eltri. "Please stop screaming, we're less than one meter apart. I can hear you just fine."

Eltri narrowed her eyes and pried his hand off of her mouth. "Alright fine. I have a lot of questions that I want to ask, do you think you can give me some answers?" She deadpanned.

"Sure kid, if you agree on being my apprentice."

"Okay fine."

"Ok- wait, what? That was so fast!"

/

Apparently, we were given the rest of the day off with our respective sensei in the event that they are accepted to be their apprentice. Or if they accepted the apprenticeship role of course. Kisame had wanted some private place to talk and while he had suggested a shop near the town, Eltri declined and instead suggested our house instead.

Surprisingly, it didn't take much to convince Kisame to come along. No one was home yet, so Eltri took the liberty of seating our new sensei into the living room while she went to get some tea and rice balls.

"Here you go."

"Ah, thanks."

She seats herself in front of the blue shark man and clasped the sides of her mug with her hands. "My aunt won't be home until later on in the afternoon and Keiji would finish at about the same time," She informed him.

"What about Nobutsuna-san?" Asked Kisame after he took one rice ball.

"He hasn't been home in two days so I don't really know… Anyways, what did you want to ask me about?"

Kisame doesn't answer right away and chose to take his time chewing. His eyes are roaming over the living room, to the tea, the rice ball and then finally to Eltri who patiently sips her tea.

"Why aren't you showing your full potential at school?"

"Well because I don't really want to die young s'all." When Kisame raised an eyebrow prompting her to explain further, Eltri continued on.

"I know that sometimes when a certain student shows promise and talents in a certain area, a specific division would come and recruit them even before they graduate. Depending on the urgency of the situation, that same student could be sent out to the field with just minimal training. The likelihood of dying in our first mission is 50-50 and I rather not die right after I graduate."

"Did you ask Nobutsuna-san about this?"

My counterpart shook her head. "There was a senpai I had known back in my second year. She was good in making traps and was just a year shy from graduating. She died after she was recruited."

"How could you tell?" Kisame pressed. "She could just have been sent on another mission far away from here."

"No," Eltri answered adamantly in between bites. "She died. I felt her chakra bleed right out of her body. A few days later, I heard about her death and even went to her funeral. She was murdered by a ninja of ours that went rogue."

Kisame seem to contemplate on something, "Was the girl's name, Hanasaki Miki?" Eltri nods. "And you… felt it her chakra bleed out as she was dying?" Another nod.

"You would be a very good tracker-nin if I hadn't nabbed you first you know." Kisame chuckled bitterly. "But explain to me how you're able to feel it."

"Well," Eltri begin, "When somebody is dying or feels that they are in danger, there's a sudden spike in their chakra. I still… can't tell the difference between the two until it's too late. This only applies to people with developed chakra coils. But it's far harder for me to check for a civilian."

"What's the range of your sensors?"

"Depends." She shrugs.

"Depends?" Kisame echoed. "On what?"

"If I want to feel it or not. When I sense things, I also feel their emotions and whatever sensation their feeling. I was only eight years old when I first felt the experience of being hunted and dying. It… was very unpleasant."

"But Miki was killed on the outskirts of town and you-

"I was here. At home."

Kisame nods. "Does anyone else knows about-"

"No. Like I said. I don't want to die young so I prefer to keep everything as mediocre as possible. I really don't like having too much attention on me."

"I see… Am I right to say that you can use this ability at will?"

"I guess… But currently, my ability's strength is also my weakness. I can only find or track down a person if I personally know what their chakra signature is like. If you ask me to find a complete stranger, on the other hand, I would have a hard time locating them."

"So you pretended to be mediocre to prevent dying like Hanasaki Miki then?"

Eltri scowled and looked away but didn't object. "Like I said. Less attention means that I'm less likely to be targeted and killed."

Kisame makes a noncommittal sound and took another rice ball but paused in mid bite when he saw the look she was giving him. "What?" Eltri opens her mouth to answer but changes her mind and shook her head. "My turn. I want to ask the questions now."

"Shoot."

"Is there something wrong with Yagura?" There was no way in hell that we could use the term jinchiruki since children weren't supposed to know. Yet.

To his credit, Kisame didn't even bat an eye at her question and answered with a short and simple "No."

"Liar." Eltri accused and activated her ability. "You and the other shinobi's know that there's something wrong with him."

"We aren't obliged to entertain questions demanded from a ten-year-old brat, sorry."

"But it's just a yes or no question!" She presses but Kisame doesn't even look at her anymore. "Next question,"

"Why can't you tell me?" Irritation pours all over my body as Kisame gave us a look. His irritation was mild but it still gave me the urge to want to scratch myself all over. Luckily with Eltri in control, I didn't have to worry about looking like a mad woman scratching herself.

"I mean it, kid. Next. Question." Eltri huffs in annoyance. "Fine. Tell me why you want me."

There is something in the way Kisame suddenly looked at us. I could feel a myriad of emotions from the blue man but the one thing that stood out the most to me was the faint trace of loneliness mingling with the other emotions. "We noticed that your chakra reserves are massive. Even a seasoned chuunin's chakra levels are dwarfed by yours and you are also still in the growing stage. I'm the only other shinobi available besides the Mizukage that has enough chakra to handle yours."

"I don't think my chakra levels are anything like yours. Or the Mizukage's."

"You're also training in kenjutsu with Nobutsuna-san right? I could also train you in that area."

"Will I be getting any other teammates?" Eltri asks hopefully as she slowly shuts off her ability.

Kisame only shrugs and takes a third riceball. It was only after we finished asking each other questions and he left that I realized that I had never eaten my own rice ball because the blue shark man had taken everything. The first person I told about my apprenticeship was Keiji followed by Ringo-san during dinner. When I first told Keiji, I purposely ignored the jealousy that was like hot wax pouring down my body.

On the outside, the green eyed boy was excited, glad that I was actually alright since I didn't return to class and happy that I was getting the opportunity of a lifetime. But he was also feeling angry. Angry over the fact that I hadn't told him sooner and that he was also jealous. Jealous over the fact that this was not something that either of us could share the experience with. I ignored those ugly emotions despite sitting next to the boy and continued to chat happily with Ringo-san over dinner.

The next day, I didn't see Fumi, Torii, Jun, and Daisuke. I only knew from it later on during recess when Hiromi comes up to me and told me that they all failed their tests and were recuperating in the hospital.

In my fourth year, I had become Hoshigaki Kisame's apprentice and in my fifth year, I finally got my second teammate. And as luck would have it, it was none other than Arugami Rouga.

Joy.

So much for not sticking out.


	6. Chapter 5

_**Authors Note:**_

 _ **So I finally updated and fixed this whole mess of a chapter. Like wow I haven't updated since the February of last! Thanks for being patient guys! And I'll definitely try to update at least once a month... Or two.**_

 _ **R &R!**_

* * *

I watched intently as Kisame-sensei and Rouga sparred against each other. Or more like, Rouga trying to not get killed while our jonin sensei have his way with him. Despite knowing our sensei longer than Rouga and having a better grasp at sensing chakra, those advantages are meaningless in face of any powerful shinobi who could move faster and hit much, much, much harder than the two of us combined.

I gritted my teeth as pain flared across my left ribs. I had lost the feeling of my right arm some time ago and as I felt Rouga channeling chakra to his legs and left hand, I felt the flare of chakra coming to his right and back. Rouga's clone exploded into a splash of water as it was struck and when I thought it was over, I felt the cold kiss of the blade across my throat.

The sudden spike of killer intent was enough to root me to the spot, cause chills to run down my spine and made me forget to breathe. Blood roared in my ears and my heart was banging its way out of my chest. "Looks like I just killed you. Again." Chuckled our sensei.

I clicked my tongue in annoyance while Rouga narrowed his eyes at our blue-skinned sensei. He was frozen in his spot with his whole body poised for an attack and had reaching for the kunai pouch on his hip. Inwardly I wondered whether he thinks his jokes are funny when most of the time they scare the shit out of everyone. When he finally released him, along with withdrawing his killer intent, Rouga collapsed to his knees and started coughing and wheezing like a dying old man.

"When I pressured you, your concentration slipped and you became reckless. You haven't made any noticeable improvements."

Wow, what a wonderful sensei he is.

Asking for our well being and apologizing for nearly making us piss in our pants.

Not.

"By your standards or anyone else?" Rouga choked out, but sensei only gave him a toothy grin. He moves away and Rouga slumped tiredly on the ground in a spread eagle motion. I also took the time to deactivate my ability.

I am not quite sure what exactly is it called but Eltri wouldn't tell me. She would only tell me its uses and limitations but not the name. Strange no? I tried asking her about it but she always manages to divert the question away. I know its suppose to discourage me but this only makes me want to know even more! Speaking of discouraging, while this ability helps me avoid danger, something which I am definitely grateful for, it does horrendously in the face of someone of sensei's presence or even anyone with an intense amount of blood lust. That and while I can sense presences in an instant, it doesn't necessarily mean that I can move my body as quick as I want to.

After training under Kisame-sensei, I noticed that I was now literally leaps and bound ahead of my class in terms of practical skills. All the things that the academy had just started teaching, I already had the knowledge and experience of it. Kisame-sensei was no slacker and the way he motivates me is... Er, very successful.

Though I was rather surprised at how tolerant he was, considering that he often says things like, "If you fail, you'll fall and my summons will eat you." or "If you can't block or evade this then you'll be sliced into ribbons!" or his personal favorite, "Maybe pain would be a better motivation? How about I chop off your legs hm? Don't worry, after you succeed, I'll ask Daimon to reattach them again. If she's available that is and if you haven't died from blood loss."

Isn't it wonderful when your sensei's motivation sounds like what a sadist would say? And I know for a fact that he will do so. Not that he would actually kill me -because let's face it, if that was his goal, I would have been beheaded before I could even notice it- but more like warn me the result of failing. Because falling head first into a shark infested lake when learning to walk on water was traumatizing enough for me thank you very much.

I did not care that they were his summons and would not attack me unless I was ordered to. Or if they were swimming in a lazy circle instead of getting into a frenzy over their prey. I had lost it when one of them approached me. Without thinking, I activated my ability and- well, I punched it. I punched that stupid shark with all I had to my immense shock and Eltri's pleasure, the shark went 'poof!'

I didn't really have time to congratulate myself for punching my sensei's shark summon since I had been screaming the entire time and doing that while being submerged was a bad thing. I ended up swallowing too much water and long story short, I would have drowned in my panic if it weren't for one of the sharks carrying me back to the shore.

Oh, the irony of it all.

Sensei had an unreadable look on his face before showing off his pointed teeth in a toothy grin. "Not bad." He chuckled and until now I never know whether it was for punching his shark on the nose or for nearly drowning spectacularly. Then he patted my head, picked me by the scruff of my neck and tossed me back into the river that were still infested with sharks.

"Let's work on it again till you get it right!"

I would have let out a scream if it weren't for the fact that I was already submerged once more and noticed how this time, the sharks were looming much closer than before.

Miraculously, after the 29th time being thrown around like a rag doll, I managed to not get submerged and actually stand on my feet. I managed to stay on top of it for a minute and started clapping like an idiot. Before Kisame-sensei ordered one of his sharks to come after me and I screamed like a pansy of course. Despite the methods being... questionable, they were highly effective. Hell, I even had Keiji and Takeshi ask me to spar with them instead of the other way around. I was willing to share all I know with them since the time I could spend with them are limited now that I'm under Kisame-sensei apprenticeship.

Keiji himself ended being picked up by Daimon-sensei by the end of our fourth year in the academy and since then, he was as busy as I am. While I always made it back home, there were times when Keiji didn't and stayed over at Hiromi's house. He even spends more time with the boy during class to chat or spar during recess. Takeshi too had been undergoing his own training with his clan and had been spending less time with us outside of school. And most days he just gets too tired and ends up sleeping through class and recess that I barely had any interaction with the boy.

I felt awkward and didn't want to intrude in Keiji's new friendship with Hiromi or calling Takeshi just because I felt lonely. Though, I suppose Keiji might have felt this way when I first started my apprenticeship. In the end, though, it kind of worked out. At Eltri's constant urging and reminders, I finally woke up early enough to make riceballs. I would have failed spectacularly if Ringo-san hadn't come in when she did. When I told her I was making some for Keiji, Ringo-san smiled and made sure I had more than enough for the two of us.

I gave three to him during our walk to the academy and when he asked the reason, I tried giving him my apology but instead, I floundered, stepped in a puddle, and slipped. Luckily, I saved the remaining riceballs. Unluckily, I landed on my behind and it left a dark stain on my light colored pants that looked like I wetted myself. Keiji, seeing that I had made a fool out of myself, bless his heart, offered to go back to the house so I can change but I knew we would be late and so I refused. But he did accept the riceballs and my half-assed attempt at an apology for making him feel left out. So it's all good. Even if I have to endure the merciless teasing of my classmates. All that mattered was that we made up.

That day also happened to be the day when I found out that Rouga became my teammate. I had figured out that long ago that when students are recruited before they graduated, it's because of their particular talent and that they would be groomed to be a specific type of ninja. I honestly thought I was going to be a tracker ninja or something like that but that dream drowned into the abyss when Kisame-sensei took me under his wing. So then I thought that I was still being groomed to be something else. I actually never thought of having a teammate before.

When school was over and I saw a smirking silver haired boy standing next to the grinning shark man at my designated training ground, I groaned in protest. But it turned out that having Rouga as my teammate wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I honestly thought that he was going to be difficult when we first started but I had to say that I was pleasantly surprised.

While he was weary of Kisame-sensei at first, -rightfully so since the first thing sensei did after he introduced himself was to throw Rouga into a shark infested water and chuckled as the boy struggled to swim to safety- he was his usual self with me albeit just a tad bit surly after his meeting with sensei. He wasn't pleased with our sensei's attitude but he was eager to learn as well as being a quick learner. He would practice even when sensei and I were gone; heck sometimes I need to physically drag him away just so he would take a break or eat. And on days when he wasn't cooperating, I had no qualms in dragging his unconscious ass around with me.

When I told this to Ringo-san during one of my off days, she suggested making bento's to share with my team. I was about to refuse when Eltri suddenly took over and said yes. So as it is now, for the past 10 weeks or so, I have been waking up at the crack of dawn to cook with Ringo-san. And by gods was my aunt a saint as she patiently taught me the basics and helped me salvaged whatever dish that I ruined.

I wasn't that bad of a cook per say, but I never really did any cooking besides instant noodle back when I was alive. It was a new experience for me but for Eltri, it probably felt like being in a familiar place. Turns out that she's a mean pastry chef who can make pretty much any pastry that I could think of. And holy cow does it taste wonderful, even Ringo-san was impressed!

Though Eltri does admit that her cooking is, at best, good and not as well as Ringo-san. But nothing will have her beat when it comes to sweets and pastries. My guinea pig was, of course, Keiji. Keiji was my safe bet since he isn't a picky eater and would eat anything that was edible. And since he didn't have any indigestion or whatever after eating my cooking, I was finally able to share it with Rouga. I wasn't exactly prepared when he flat out refused without even looking at it.

But no way in hell will I let my hard work go to waste.

 **I was determined.**

 **I was confident.**

 **I was a woman on a mission!** ... _Even if I was physically only eleven._

I pestered him, chased after him with our lunch box, I did everything I could think of till short of tying him up and shoving food down his throat. The more he refused, the more determined I became. Eventually, he relents. But not before blowing up a spiel about how he did not want my pity or whatever angsty feeling he was bottling up inside of him. I had to physically beat him and then restrain him by pouncing on top of him before we could finally talk. Thank goodness that we haven't left the training grounds yet and that sensei left for a mission or else it would have gotten very messy elsewhere.

Rouga tried to push me off but I used my chakra to get a better grip on him and locked him down at the same time. I was literally holding his head in place and telling him that yes, I understand where he is coming from, no, I am not looking down on him, no, this is not pity, this is me caring for you and then I for the love of me I couldn't understand why he was so surprised.

"I do care. I do worry about you even if you are an annoying know-it-all. Why can't I care for my friend?"

And then he just stared up at me with the dumbest expression I have ever seen on his face. So I took the chance and barreled on. "It's not pity Rouga. I never pitied you, sure I hate you sometimes when you get all snobby or get annoyed when you beat me in anything really, hell I even thought Kisame-sensei favored you more than he did me! But I never pitied you. And why should I? You're smart, independent, you keep a cool head while I just react on my emotions, heck I cry whenever I see anyone else cry, you're resourceful and actually rather witty. See now that I think about it, those are also reasons why you're better than me so you can add me being jealous of your maturity despite your age as well."

When Rouga only stared up at me with his mouth opening and closing like a fish, I scowled. "What? Do you want me to say it? Fine, but you won't ever hear me say it again okay? So er... Yeah, I uh, wow this is hard. Deep breaths, you can do this- _Ikindalookuptoyoutoo_ there I said it! Oh, my god, that was embarrassing, jeez I can't believe I said all this stuff urgh. Oi, say something- Oomph!" The boy had the gall to _push me off_! After all that preparation, the heartfelt speech I gave him and he _**bloody pushed me off!**_

As I landed unceremoniously on my rump, he took off but not before grabbing his lunch box with him. Long story short, I finally managed to connect with my teammate. Sure we were kind of frenemies and all that but before this incident, but I realized that never really knew him. I only knew as much as the other kids in class; that he was an orphan and didn't belong in a clan, that he was a talented shinobi- I know him a little better now.

I know that friend rice is his favorite food, that maroon is his favorite color, that history is his favorite subject even though the top scorer isn't him. That he prefers to listen in class rather than write notes down and how he tends to frown slightly when deep in thought. I also came to know that Rouga is much more patient than I gave him credit for.

I ended up telling him about my ability about five months after we became teammates. I couldn't do it any earlier because it somehow managed to get dropped at the back of my mind what with Kisame-sensei's hellish training, Eltri's own weird mind meditation thing and other shenanigans I had to deal with. br /br /At that point, I finally managed to summarize and know what my powers are and what my ability can do.

First, is that I have a huge amount of chakra. I am almost never tired and I have a rather fast recovery period. Though I can't actually feel how much chakra I have, I can easily know how much those around me have without much effort. I can tell where they are within our village and know whether the person is a clone or if anyone is in a genjutsu. I can track Keiji around all day without moving from my spot, I can easily know which shops my aunt is visiting without her telling me and I can tell whether if the sensei teaching us right now is a clone.

 _ **I was, essentially, the ultimate sensor**_.

The catch, however, was just as extreme as the benefits. Being so hyper aware of things, if there is anything that can dominate my senses, I would pretty much be a sitting duck. My senses would overload and then immediately shut down leaving me unable to detect anything and be frozen in place.

One brilliant example would be my own mentor. Sensei's killing intent is enough to make me vomit my lunch, make me shake in my sandals like a newborn calf and cry like it's the end of the world. And that's just him being lenient and conscious of it. Another would be negative emotions. Hatred, loneliness, jealousy- I could feel it too and it can affect me just as bad.

The effects could last for hours or even the whole day before my senses could get back to normal. Most of what I know are explained by Eltri after I experienced them. She told me I had to train myself to move even after I lost my senses which apparently was what the meditation was for. Easier said than done when I couldn't even blink let alone think.

"Oi, red-eyes." A water bottle dropped to my lap snapping me out of my thoughts. Rouga takes a seat across me and took a chug from his water bottle.

"How're your ribs?"

Rouga scowls. A typical Rouga-like answer.

"It'll heal."

"Oh. Okay."

His eyes narrowed and a familiar feeling bloomed in my chest. It's warm and I immediately knew what he was thinking and feeling.

"I'm alright Rouga. I was just thinking." I smiled and Rouga's scowl deepened before he looked away.

Another aspect of my ability is that I can feel the senses and emotions of those I have a close emotional bond with when they are nearby. It was how I knew Keiji was upset, or my aunt being happy without them verbally saying it. The closer I am to them, the clearer the emotions that I can sense.

"That's an invasion of privacy you know." He drawls and flops pathetically on the ground in a spread eagle, bottle held in one hand.

"Sorry," I laughed and we both know that I wasn't sorry in the least bit.

For the past two weeks, we've been trying to figure out the extent of my ability in addition to our regular training. Since this is a passive ability, Eltri had thought me how to forcefully turn it off; or at the very least, turn it down so that I can only sense intense emotions like extreme happiness or depression.

Because let me tell you something. It was not fun when, after parting ways with Rouga from training, I felt my body temperature rise the moment I neared my house. I felt one of my ears getting bitten and having weird sensations on my neck, sides, and then a grope on my butt-

' _Switch with me._ ' And Eltri, bless her soul, took over before I had the chance to experience sensory overload. She ran around tracking down Kisame-sensei all around the village and found him in front of the Mizukage's Tower. Apparently, he had just came back from his mission and had just given his report.

"Please let me tag along."

"No." He smiles, all tooth and mild amusement, and then shunshin'd away. We did this till it was time for dinner; sensei running away and Eltri tracking him down before sensei ran for another location. I know we could track him down but that doesn't necessarily mean that we can catch him. Whether he is or isn't serious at is stronger, faster and probably smarter out of the two of us but I was more resilient, patient and careful than he was.

Kisame-sensei could have easily left us in the dust but he actually waited for us to catch up to him before disappearing again. He might not outright say it but I will headbutt anyone who says that Kisame-sensei is just a cold-hearted killer. He does care, just not in the conventional or sane way that most and normal people do.

Eventually, when I found him in the tea shop, he glanced over at us, finished his tea and placed his money on the table. The next thing I know I was picked up and tossed over his shoulders like a sack of potato and everything blurs before I find myself in front of my house yet again.

"Alright my little fish, I think playtime's over." I have no idea when he starts calling us that but it gets on Rouga's nerves and Kisame-sensei seems to take delight in pissing his students off. Or anything that could traumatize them really. He lets us go and Eltri lands solidly on our feet. She turns and fixed a contemplative look on the house before sighing out in relief.

"Yeah, I guess they're done too."

"Hm?"

"With sex of course. My aunt and uncle. I think he went home early today and were feeling frisky or whatever since Keiji and I haven't reached home yet. I ran away before they went all the way of course and you helped me concentrate on something else entirely so it's all good." Said Eltri with a straight face as if it was the most normal thing in the world to say. I, on the other hand, was mortified and wished dearly that death would take me yet again.

When we looked up, I was surprised. After all, it was rare to see my sensei without his perpetual toothy grin. I can't exactly quite read his face but I knew for a fact that he was beginning to feel uncomfortable if the sudden narrowing of his eyes and the itchy feeling I felt in my chest were to go by.

"Thank's sensei. See you tomorrow."

"... Sure kid." I waved goodbye at him shortly before going into my house and being greeted by my aunt. Eltri takes notice of a dark mark blooming on the junction of her neck and internally snickered while I couldn't help but grimace at my whole predicament. After that, I noticed that our training time quickly became longer till we would only be released an hour or two after the sun has supposedly set. Maybe it was his own way of preventing any more future mishaps like that but regardless, I was secretly glad.

"But did you feel anything out of the ordinary or-"

"Maybe the whole reason why I did so poorly was because your panic was overriding my own senses ever thought of that?" Rouga shot back.

Huh.

That could be a possibility. I mean, maybe if my emotions are far stronger than what my target is experiencing than it might take over... But when and how could the target know that it isn't their emotions that they're experiencing but mines and how can I know that I myself, am projecting the emotion? Maybe-

"Gods, stop mumbling to yourself like that it's creepy- Oi, red-eyes, it was just a joke I-ugh why do I even try."

Sensei came over and basically ignored how one of his students is muttering to herself non-stop in a hushed voice and directed his whole attention to the remaining "Is there anything else you two want to try out?" Rouga cocked his head to the side and shrugged. "No. You can go now." He said dismissively. Our sensei gave us another toothy grin before exploding into water. Of course, this being our sensei, he undid his technique right in our faces which meant that we would have been drenched from head to toe.

Rouga, being the only one who was paying attention by this point, was the only one who managed to get away while I became the victim of my own sensei's childish amusement. I sputtered and blinked repeatedly as the cold water sent shivers to my spine. The splash snapped me out of my thoughts and I knew I only have myself to blame for not avoiding it. "That's what you get for muttering like a creep to yourself like that." He snorts.

"Er, right." I mumbled.

Kisame-sensei was a busy man, what with being called out for missions rather often. I knew that so I took it in stride after noticing the first time sensei taught me with his clone. Sensei himself didn't seem surprised either that I knew that he left me with a clone and Rouga didn't really care since the clone was still just as good as the real deal. Speaking of our toothy sensei, I realized that he has never really left us unsupervised. He would always have a clone or two ready for us when we meet up with him in our training ground even if he was already away from the village. Initially, I was worried that his performance out there would be affected because he lets his clone stay behind for days until he could come back to the no matter how talented, how skilled or how frightening he is on the battlefield, there is always a possibility of death.

But at the same time, there is no point in worrying for a shinobi because choosing this path means that you fully understand that for the remainder of your life, death is always going to be just around the corner.

Ironic, no?

I try not to think of it too much but on days when Rouga would manage to land a critical hit on me and a clone of sensei is supervising us, there would be a small voice in the back of my head saying, _'imagine if this was an enemy nin and he has you or your loved ones incapacitated like this.'_ and then I see my family and friends as motionless corpses on the ground, including myself.

Sometimes I wonder if I am actually aware that this is my life now and deep down if I thought that this is all just a dream.

* * *

On the days leading up to our graduation, the number of kids in the class slowly begin to diminish until there was only a handful full of us. Most, if not all of the remaining children, have already been assigned to a jounin. There were a three man squad and then there were just pairs like ours. Sensei has never mentioned anything about a third member -though he didn't even hint about Rouga- so I was rather curious if we were going to get an addition or not.

I don't know whether this kind of practice is exclusive to Kirigakure or if the three-man cell team is exclusive to Konohagakure.

'I've got to say that our village does have a way of polishing a diamond in the rough.' Eltri, for the most part, has been watching over our progress. She mentions when I have improved, pointed out my mistakes and corrects them, mentored me about our shared ability and forced me to do meditation. People often comment that I am quick to rectify a mistake but it's only because I have her. I doubt other kids have the same advantages that I do.

When Eltri pulls on my consciousness, I let her take over and immediately I can easily sense and locate everyone in the building. Since this was Eltri's ability from the beginning and despite us sharing one body, when she uses it, it's much more refined than when I use them.

After being congratulated by our homeroom teacher, we were given a small piece of paper and was told to follow the instructions on it and to not tell anyone in class what your paper held before being left to our own devices.

Our paper had the instructions to go to our training ground. Eltri folds it into a tiny square and slips it into one of our inner pockets. She then looks over to Rouga who was currently shredding the paper in his hands and stuffing the remains into his pocket. Our eyes met briefly before Eltri goes back to observe the other kids in the class.

 _'Do you think it's another test?'_

 _'Probably.'_ Answered Eltri and I felt panic rising in my chest. If I failed this test, would that mean that I wouldn't be with sensei and Rouga anymore? Or maybe I can't be a shinobi anymore?

And then a thought popped into my head.

 _'Could this be our graduation test? I mean, we didn't exactly have one...But then, why would they congratulate us if we have graduated?_ '

' _Possibly to make us let our guard down. The ones who would be testing may not be the regular exam proctors. Other senseis may get involved. After all, for what reason would they all gather here?_ '

' _In the academy? Is sensei here too then?_ ' Eltri made a noise of agreement, ' _We better not end up fighting sensei for our graduation test_!'

' _Well, I honestly wouldn't mind. I can fight him in your stead_!' Laughed Eltri as she finally moves to get out of class.

' _Bloody hell don't jinx it Eltri_!' My other half only smiled as she finally makes her way out of the classroom.

* * *

"You know Kisame, I am honestly surprised that your kids lasted this long and didn't end up becoming shark food." Piped one of the jonins as they watch the 'graduating' students receive their instructions from a floating water orb that the Mizukage had conjured up.

"Or turned bat-shit crazy considering your training methods." Chuckled another.

"Or maybe they wanted to drop out but were afraid that if they did, they might become actual shark food since they wasted your time." Offered one more.

"Unless of course, they're just as insane as you are." Said the first one again. Kisame for the most part simply grinned and shrugged one shoulder as he readjusted the strap of his Samehada. He watches as one of his little fish makes a move for the door. If he wasn't paying attention he would have missed it, but he didn't. It was quick, but he knew that the girl, who is _**not Kamui** , _because he knows that Kamui is still too awkward, too shy, too fragile to be an actual shinobi now and that girl is metal, blood and everything else that reflects a shinobi, glanced upwards and smiled.

Like she knows they were watching. Like she knows where the water orbs are placed. Like she knows that he knows. Unconsciously his mouth slants upwards and everyone participating in the conversation froze.

"Not really, kids would do anything once you give them the right motivation." He chuckled darkly and the others quickly snapped their mouths shut.


	7. Chapter 6

I think, that when comparing my old life to my current one, I was luckier in the old one. But not for the obvious reasons as you might think. Sure I didn't live in the age of samurais and ninjas; I never had to learn how to send coded messages and decipher them from flower arrangements and I sure as hell wasn't trained on being a child soldier from such a young age. The most traumatizing thing I ever experienced were family related things and luckily it never reached a do or die situation.

As cool as it sounded, as heroic as they were portrayed in superhero movies, when applied to real life, it was much more different.

They never showed you how one by one, your friends dropped out. Some dropped out because they couldn't keep up, because of personal reasons, injuries- we call them the lucky ones. Of course no child would admit that because they didn't understand. Not yet anyway.

Not until they're forced to drive a blade through the heart of their former teammate that went rogue because they became disillusioned. Or went crazy and proved to no longer be an asset. Not until they kill an enemy who is more than willing to surrender peacefully, because the mission states to _**eliminate**_ not capture the threat. Not until you can't recall if the blood on your clothes is yours, your enemies or someone else. Not until you find yourself thinking how normal it is to be revered and feared at the same time for the total number of body count your name holds. Not until you find yourself waking up to every little sound in the dead of the night, clutching a bit too tight and wondered if this is how you were going to die.

Because most kids think that being a ninja is the epitome of cool. And those that weren't or couldn't become one is isn't up to snuff. And of course, in this world, ninjas are the closest thing to becoming superheroes or even -as the last chapters of Naruto showed- a god. And who wouldn't want to be one? Glorified as a hero with abilities one could only dream of, escaping the mundane reality and into the world of bigger and greater possibilities.

But at what cost?

I was lucky in my old life because I had an identity. I was me. A person, an individual with a personality that distinguishes myself from the others. In the old world, they encouraged you to be different. Job interviews and college admissions asks why they should take you in and prefers those who are _different._ I have a family, friends, a future, a career- something comfortable, something normal, something safe.

In here, in my new life, I would have to lose what made me, me. From the day I graduated until the day I die, I will forever be a shinobi. A nameless shadow who will disappear once my job is done. Not even retirement and death could change that. Was I really prepared to lose everything for the sake of _**something greater**_? - _Then again, as a shinobi, I don't think I actually have anything that I can call mine._

And right now, I have to face the choice of breaking my heart or breaking my sanity.

"Excuse me?" Eltri's voice, my voice, our voice, echoes as my gaze locked on to the lone figure standing in the middle. My blood runs cold and all the hair at the back of my neck stood on its end. His words keep replaying over and over in my mind like a broken record until it become a dull noise that I couldn't understand. My body froze in shock and the only thing that is preventing me from thinking that this is all a dream, is the strong sense of shock and fear pulsating right across me.

Finally after what felt like an eternity of silence the ninja spoke again. "You can begin anytime you're ready."

I stared long and hard at him. I do not recognize his face nor his chakra; I couldn't place his face among those I have met in my memory and gave up the second Eltri reminds me that I had never really been good at remembering them in the first place. Fervently and desperately, I try to see whether this man was lying. Or if this was a genjutsu of some sort and it was just my sensei playing a prank on us.

 _ **But I can't.**_

This man is not lying.

There are no other traces of chakra.

The truth hits me just as hard, maybe even more so, than when I was punched by mentor during one of our sparring sessions.

And for a second, I think that my heart stopped.

Nobody moves and until finally, I teared my gaze away and focused to the other person frozen right across. Rouga stands just a few feet away and he stays rooted on the spot. Our eyes met and I quickly stopped analyzing, forcefully shutting everything down. Ice spreads across my chest, freezing every part of me and the numbness begins taking over my body.

I am looking at anywhere but him.

I was too scared to know what he might be feeling. The only thing I could feel now was the sound of my heart hammering itself against it's cage and the sound of my labored breathing. Anything I felt from him was immediately pushed to the back of my mind, promptly ignored and abandoned. It's too late though, I knew what he was feeling.

I should have known. I knew about it but I never **really, really** thought about it. Not when I thought I was spared from ever going through that. Nothing hinted that this would have ever happened! Or maybe there was and I was just blissfully unaware? Was I too caught up in own life that I ignored the signs?

 _How naive was I that could I have forgotten about the history of 'The Bloody Mist'?_

I swallowed and even then, it was hard to do just that. I tried to think back about the previous class' graduation and immediately I remembered that there was no need for them to undergo the _graduation ceremony,_ as they have lovingly called it. Only eight made it to genin last year and they were the top of the top if I remembered correctly.

But still, there is only a handful of us left, what good does it do to our military if we decreased the number of available soldiers like this? I tried to be reasonable, I tried to be rational and I found that it helped me calm my nerves just a bit.

I had reached my training ground and nobody was there. After a few minutes Rouga appeared and so did the other ninja. He appeared in a swirl of mist and stood between the two of us and revealing the real reason why we were there.

' _To graduate and become full fledged genins of the hidden mist you must kill one another.'_

My stomach churns so violently I was surprised that I didn't vomit. He said it so easily. No hesitation, no conflict, no guilt- the man felt nothing as orders the two of us, orders me to kill him. Him, Rouga, my teammate, my partner, my classmate, my friend-!

 ** _How... C_** ** _an I do that so easily?_**

 _'Kamui!'_

My train of thoughts came to a screeching halt as Eltri's voice all but screamed in my mind. My head snapped upwards just in time to see Rouga blink out of sight. Not a second later, I am thrown to my side and felt the burn on my bicep before I clumsily rolled to a stand. With the sudden skin contact, my senses comes back alive and his feelings all but steamrolled into mine. There is a distinct noise that I recognized as metal cutting through the air and my survival instincts kicked in despite sensing his reluctance, confusion and anger that was mixing in with my own anxiety and disbelief. Rouga has made the first move and though it sent alarm bells ringing, I would be lying if I said that a small part of me wasn't glad that he did.

Rouga is relentless, and it takes me no less than a few hits to realize that he had been strengthening his limbs which chakra and that the impact of our blows have started to numb my arms. Gritting my my teeth, I did the same and push him off. The sudden burst of strength manages to catch him off balance and my hands quickly formed the required seals. I inhaled deeply and released a several bullets of water from my mouth.

For a second, the water bullet seemed to pierce through and Rouga melts into water as well.

His chakra signature strengthens behind me and I quickly went for a substitute. The clearing had no place to hide and there was no use in trying to buy time either.

Should I just quit? Can I even quit? What would my family say if they knew I chickened out? What would sensei think? What would Rouga think? What would become of me if I did?

 _ **What do I do? What do I do?whatdoIdowhat-**_

My chest tightens and vision begins to water.

I couldn't accept it.

But Rouga can, and my hesitation was the opening he needed.

Maybe it was because I finally realize I am at death's door that everything slowed down, or it might just be my mind trying to process my second death because my first happened much to quick, and I had an epiphany.

I knew that I was afraid. My main objective in my second life was to survive and make it past my eighteenth birthday. I did all that I could to survive; I trained, I studied and I learned. And yet without the constant reminder of death, I slowly begin to lose sight of my goal. I treated my second life not as a fresh start but as a continuation of my old one. And I don't think I have changed one bit either.

My worst traits and fears are still the same. And I would rather die than ever admit my biggest fear out loud, even at the point death. Because if I don't say it, I can pretend that it's not real, that I can deny its existence.

I have so many fears, and right now,

I fear of knowing what he feels.

I fear of him feeling my own fear.

I fear that he would do something that may jeopardize his own chances of passing- because I know that as sad as it is, as an orphan in our village, being a shinobi would raise his chances of survival.

I fear of the both of us being killed off because somehow neither of us passed. Or if I had actually went through my plan of asking questions and trying to reason with this shinobi, he would have killed Rouga in retribution.

I fear of dying.

I fear of pain.

And I am also **terrified** of facing the possibility of him finding the resolve to go through it.

Him, killing me.

But dying by his hands wasn't what froze my bones and crushed my heart.

No. Not that. Not the actual act but what it actually means to kill me.

The act of betrayal, that thought, that possibility, the fact that he could end me, like what we went through was nothing, like I was nothing- destroys me.

The loneliness of being left alone, forgotten, neglected, abandoned, to become nothing in their eyes... I can't bare it. Did I not do enough? Was I not needed anymore? Did I annoy them? Did they get tired of me? Did they find someone better? What went wrong? ** _  
_**

Warmth spreads across my chest and I don't know whether its the emotions that's been welling up inside of me or my blood that's staining my shirt. My breath turns shallow and there's a faint buzz in my ear that's blocking every other noise. My arms dropped to the side like lead and black dots blinked across my vision. Funny, I can't even hear Eltri anymore.

The warmth is now seeping to the ground and I can't feel anything. Not Rouga's crushing guilt, his anger, his sadness, his desperation, not the proctors sudden wariness, not the cold of the forest. Nothing. Not even my crushing fear of loneliness. A sound echoes in the distance. It grew clearer as it grew closer. It's my own voice.

" _Kamui._ " Oh. Never mind. It's Eltri. Where has she been all this time?

" _Don't-_ " Don't what? I'm not even doing anything. I can't feel anything. There's nothing.

" _Kamui-"_ She's repeating my name over and over. She sounds desperate.

" _Don't do it-"_ Do what? I'm not even doing anything. I can't feel anything. There's nothing.

" _Kamui!_ " There's nothing.

" _Don't do it_!" There's nothing.

...

 **There's nothing.  
**

* * *

"You have visitors." The nurse who opens the door does not make eye contact. Nobody makes eye contact here and their fear always threatens to drown me whenever they have to do a physical check up. Or anything that has to do with physically being near or touching me. Anyone who comes over has a melting pot of emotions, fear is the base, added with disgust a sprinkle of disgust and a dash of curiosity and awe. When a nurse dropped her clipboard and I tried to give it back to her, she and her partner froze. Her fear sky rocketed so high that I felt nauseous and then a second later, they both vomited.

This kept on happening each time they let their fear go out of control till finally, only medic-nins are assigned to me. Though they still felt fear at times, at least it was at manageable levels and nobody vomited anymore. My primary care physician turned to non other than Daimon Michiko herself, Keiji's mentor. When she first entered the room I soon learned that she was more pissed at the fact that she has an additional workload rather than being in charge of me. Michiko-sensei does not make any small talk and I don't ask her about how Keiji is doing. She does her job, swiftly and efficiently, makes her report and leaves.

I don't know what's the point of announcing visitors what with my ability and all, maybe it was for the sake of politeness. Not for my sake though, after all, my visitors are none other than the Mizukage himself and my own sensei. I look up from my porridge and my hand finally stopped tracing a mountain with the tip pf my spoon. Michiko-sensei follows shortly after the blue-skinned shinobi and the nurse all but slammed the door shut once they were all in.

One look at my sensei and my anger simmers just underneath my skin. A blink later, my porridge is splattered across the floor and I am pinned to the bed with a forearm on my collarbone and a kunai to my neck, and Samehada is just inches from the spot between my eyes.

"Hello Kamui." Greeted Sandaime. His voice, expression and emotions are neutral in contrast to the other two people in the room and the other shinobi's guarding outside.

Michiko-sensei swore violently and Samehada's bandages begin to unwrap in response to my ability escalating. The tension in the room was so palpable that I'm surprised that nothing's destroyed yet.

"I don't want to see him." I spat, glaring briefly at the sword in my face before pressing my lips together. Samehada is now fully unwrapped and its owner does not give me a response. Nobody moves and I glared defiantly at the space between the Mizukage's head and the door.

"Hoshigaki, Daimon, dismissed."

I ignored the ache in my chest when he didn't even bother to even looked at me before he disappears with the other jounin.

 _ **Nothing hurts.**_

"Sorry." I hiccuped after a minute of silence. My collarbone is sore but the pain begins to melt away in seconds. My chest on the other hand feels a water balloon that has a a large gaping hole and all the water is rushing out, leaving me empty. The Sandaime takes this a sign to take a seat at the chair to my left. I have half a mind to listen. But I turned my head and faced the ruler of my village with what I hoped to be a blank face, which probably looks like a grimace at best. I tried not to be hopeful. Because having that would only leave you crashing harder when that hope is destroyed. I let that mantra play itself on a loop as I gave a small nod.

"I'll be frank with you Kamui. As you know, your kekkei genkai is a dangerous one and if left unchecked, you'll be a threat to the village." I balked. His words were like a stab to my gut. "We had to create a cover up from the... incident you caused and based on majority of the council's votes, and we've vetoed your request to retire as a shinobi."

Oh. "Okay." I say mechanically.

"And as we have discussed before, to minimize anymore unfavorable outcomes, you'll be put in a team effective immediately along with the proper training to help you gain control over it." A pause. "Your mentor will still be Hoshigaki."

I repeated my answer. I feel sick.

"One of your teammates will be Yagura. I trust you have figured out what he is by now haven't you?"

A human, a person, your nephew, your family, my classmate, somebody, not something is what I want to say. Not a tool. Not a weapon. Not an _it._

My stomach churns.

"Keep in mind that should your powers go out of control, Hoshigaki has full authority to do whatever it is neccessary to deal with you. And that includes using lethal force if he must." I can't hold it anymore. I reached down for the waste bin beside me and heaved my lunch. I coughed till my throat feels raw, grabbing blindly till I managed to grasp a glass of water and downed it in one sitting. The Mizukage was patient enough to wait till I calmed myself down to continue like nothing happened.

"Though I trust _you_ will have some sort of control by then."

"Then what about Yagura?" I rasped.

"The same goes for him." He answered simply. "If you think that this is punishment, then be glad that this is the one that I managed to get the council to agree on and not the alternative."

The alternative is to kill my family and I for high treason. It matters not that my uncle is the Jounin commander or that my aunt is part of the high class society or the fact that Keiji was just a child - _though a shinobi is still a shinobi regardless of their age_...- They had allowed my parents to leave me in their care and raised me as one of their own. But they did not know that their niece has a kekkei genkai. How could they when my parents never told them? When I didn't even think that it was a Kekkei Genkai in the first place? I have always just my sensors being at a higher level than the normal sensor-type shinobi due to Eltri's magic.

I was lucky enough that this 'Hidden Mist Village' was much different than the one that I know in the Narutoverse of my world. In that world, kekkei genkai users were persecuted and hunted. But in this world, they are treated as a valuable resource. Mind you, there is still bad blood between kekkei genkai users and non-kekkei genkai users but here, they are still willing to suck it up and work together if it meant that we are able to combat against the other military forces of the other hidden villages. The only reason I could think of as to why I haven't been killed yet is that my ability is to precious to let go.

And that if I want to stay that way, I had to agree with whatever proposal the council gives me. After all, calling what happened back then as an ' _incident_ ' is grossly mild. I caused a massacre on the people of my village and drove several people insane. The day I was suppose to graduate, I was told that I had one more test to pass. To kill my classmate. And I couldn't bring myself to do it. On the other hand, my friend had more courage than and did it. Though I felt fear, I couldn't really fault him. And I don't really hate him for what he did. I just hated how I would be left behind.

After I learned what happened once I gained consciousness, I hated myself even more for what I had caused. Even more than that wretched loneliness.

As I was dying, my ability- my kekkei genkai, went out of control. My condition spread like wildfire. Those that were nearby the training grounds and a portion of those unlucky enough to be at the outskirts of the village became victims. I assumed that they went mad from grief, doubt, anger, loneliness, guilt and fear. All those emotions that I was feeling right before my 'death'. And upon my actual death, they all received the same injury as me.

A stab to the heart.

People were dropping like flies and everyone assumed we were under attack. Out of the 32 people who were unfortunate enough to get caught, I was the only one that was unharmed. Because if the victims didn't die from the gaping hole in their chest, I turned them into vegetables. Among those whose brains I turned into mush was Rouga.

When I woke up and asked what had happened, the result of what I've done, I cried. And then it spiraled down into a hysteric fit and fought against my restraints desperate to see my friend. They tried subduing me which worked until I got stabbed on the shoulder and everyone else in the room received the same wound. It was all they needed to see before I was brought to an isolation ward. No one could visit me and nobody would even tell me about my family. I couldn't even leave the place without triggering an alarm and causing shinobi's to pop out of nowhere and drag me back inside.

The fact that I turned my friend's mind into a vegatable, that I have accidentally murdered several civillians because I lost control over myself, that they are locking me up without any sort of explanation and that I am treated like some sort of monster and forced into an isolation ward; just a small white room with just a bed and a side table.

I didn't take any of that well.

As a result, anyone who ended up approaching my room slowly started becoming paranoid till they became completely unhinged. They tried sedating me to minimize the overturn of medical staff that I'm causing but the result seems to be worse than me throwing a temper tantrum and it no longer became an option to them. At times I managed to actually stop myself from affecting others with my- ... Kekkei genkai since half of me was too tired to do anything else and the other half was trying to come to terms with the fact that I no longer feel Eltri's presence.

 _ **Where was Eltri?**_

I can't tell how much time has passed since the incident and since the last time I could sense Eltri. I barely even remembered what Eltri was saying back then. I could tell that she's no longer with me; like I could feel something missing, like how now there's a hollow part of me that used to be full. Her lack of presence unnerved me, it kept me in an agitated state and anything and everything would set me off. An avalanche of worry, anger and doubt would smash against anyone who came to near to my room and that includes the shinobi being stationed nearby. I suspect its what turned them paranoid and such.

The worse episode I had was when I finally met my sensei again. He came not to visit me but to give me an _update_ from the kage himself. For a month, the only thing people that I've been looking, that I've been talking to are strangers. And never once has he even visited. Maybe because he was forbidden to do so. Maybe because he had missions. Maybe he didn't care. I reached out whatever it is inside of me, my chakra, my ability, my kekkei genkai, whatever it is that allowed me to sense people, I reached it out to him. Slowly. I was met with a burst of chakra that had my bed creaking and the walls of my ward cracking. I jumped and remained dazed for a few seconds at the rejection.

My heart felt like it has been squeezed out of my chest.

 ** _He has never done that before._**

And then sensei then talks as if nothing happens.

He tells me that my family was going to be executed for treason. Because they hid the fact that I had a Kekkei Genkai and the cost of me going out of control are the lives of 32 other citizens.

It's not a kekkei genkai, I protested.

Chakra can't be used in the way that you can, he says easily.

You're wrong, I shivered.

And you're a threat. He answered.

His answer was too painful to hear.

To accept.

I let out a scream that was part animal, part monster, and a whole lot of hurt as I lunged at my own mentor. He could have easily evaded. Could have easily slammed a heel to my chest and punctured my lungs. Could have sliced me in half. Could have slammed my head against the wall and split my skull open. I am full of openings. I am also so full of cracks.

I am full of weakness.

He ducks down and slams me back to my bed with his hands wrapped my the base of my throat. And I couldn't take it anymore. Whatever logic or self restraint I had flew right out of the window and I let whatever it was that was killing me, out. If I have to feel all this hurt and pain, everyone else should too. Why only me? Why can't the others understand? What did I do wrong? What went wrong?

 _ **What went wrong?**_

I thrashed against his hold and let my anger cover every inch of my skin. It was like being submerged under water, except the temperature is boiling hot and I am suffocating. I clawed against his hold, screaming and crying. I am angry, I am hurt and I am lonely. I can't even tell what I'm shouting on about nor do I know if I'm making any sense. I don't know and I don't really care. I didn't even stop when my voice failed. I still thrashed, clawed, scratched and kicked like my life depended on it.

I cried myself to sleep and woke up the next morning feeling even worse than the day before. The first thing I noticed was that sensei is gone and I am in a different room. This one has a window and a view to a lake but it does nothing to lift my mood. I don't have much of an appetite after yesterday and sensei came again when a nurse came to retrieve my untouched dinner. My anger flares the moment I caught sight of him.

Yesterday's events repeated itself and it became our routine for the next three days till I eventually exhausted all of my energy. We never had any sort of proper communication after his first visit and I don't intend on fixing that problem anytime soon. On the fourth day, he came with the Mizukage. I make a point of never looking at him during the whole visit and instead focused all of my attention on the Sandaime.

That's the first time I've ever seen him up so close and personal.

He goes for small talk and asks me if I had any requests. I told him straight up that I want to go home and see my family. That I want to stop being a shinobi. He makes a gesture of consideration but we both know it's a fools dream. And yet I still hoped. When he finally decides to get on to the reason why he's there, the news he brings took me by surprise. If I complied, my family is spared and I could go back home.

I could visit Rouga.

Hearing my friend's name suddenly sounded so foreign in my own ears.

Think about it, he says. But I knew that it's not something that I actually have a choice in anyway. They knew I would agree to anything if it meant that my family was spared. If I could see Rouga. I had to accept.

To check the extent of my powers, they finally let me out. They ran tests to see how far I my senses could reach. How quick I can identify between allies and enemies or see through illusions. When they asked how I did it, I couldn't really find the words to explain. I just knew. Just like how I knew that Yagura was different than the rest of the kids in class.

What happened was purely coincedental.

Yagura came to visit the Mizukage who I discovered to be his uncle when he and some other iryo-nins were running more tests in my room. A shinobi shunshins into my room and drops to a knee near our leader and mutters something under his breath which was acknowledged with an incline of his head. It wasn't a surprise that I could sense him. What was a surprise was the fact that the mizukage had let the boy in instead of meeting outside or somewhere else than my ward.

Yagura steps in and before our sight met, I could feel his curiousity prodding all over the expose parts of my skin the moment he steps in. The fact that this happened should have clued me in that Yagura would have eventually played a part - a big part what with what's going to happen in the future- with my situation but since I had other things preoccupying my mind, I never gave it a second thought.

I never heard what they ended up talking about since an iryo-nin ended up asking some more questions and Yagura didn't stay for very long. In fact, he was gone after I answered. It was the only time that I saw them together but once was enough. Curiosity got the better of me and I finally asked the same question that made my uncle freeze on the spot years ago.

"What's wrong with Yagura?"

The mizukage does not freeze, instead he takes it in stride and tilts his head asking, "And what makes you say that?"

And I told him. Looking back at this moment, I would have admitted that this was a wrong move. That I should have looked beneath the surface and that I was too careless. Then again, I was desperate at any sort of human interaction that lasts more than a few seconds or a minute or two at best. Loneliness plays a big part and I don't think that I cared on what was happening as long as I was kept company.

So many are wary of him, he is just a boy, I answered.

Yagura is a shinobi, not a boy. He replied.

Shinobi's are regarded with fear, awe and respect. Yagura is regarded with fear, disgusts and distrust by most. I pointed out.

Including me? He asked.

No. I hesitated. You treat him differently.

How? He insists.

You just do. I finished lamely.

I don't really know what is wrong with Yagura since I was never given a straight answer. Though everybody has different chakra signatures, Yagura's was different. Much more different than anybody I've encountered including my own uncle, my sensei and even the mizukage. During the times we spent at the academy, whenever we have finished a grueling task of taijutsu practice, I always find myself standing either next to him or Takeshi. Takeshi does not mind my presence and instead, often chats with me afterwards but Yagura would always have confusion in his eyes before it gets replaced by indifference a second later.

Standing next to Takeshi calms me and I can feel the soreness of my limbs fading faster but with Yagura, I get hungry. Standing next to him and sensing his _different_ chakra signature makes me hungry. And it becomes a desperate sort of hunger whenever I exhaust myself too much. The hunger goes away after an hour or two but I wonder what it is that I'm hungry for since despite the fact that I ate both my share and Keiji's dinner, the hunger was only relieved by a little bit.

"-him?"

I shook my head and looked back at the mizukage. "What?"

He sighs through his nose and repeats his question. "Would you like to see him? The Arugami boy?"

My heart skips a beat. Do I want to see him? Earlier on, I made a big fuss about wanting to visit him. Now that I am given the opportunity, I find myself hesitating. Do I want to see him? Can I withstand seeing first hand the result of my lack of control? Can I look at him in the eye and not have guilt weight me down? Do I have the courage to face him? Actually, if I am released, do I have the courage to face the rest of my family? Nobutsuna-san? Ringo-san? Or even Keiji?

I have been so caught up about myself that I never once thought about what they're going through. Are they worried about me? Are they suffering right now? Are they alright? Would they even want me back? Would they still... love me? Even after all of this?

 _Of course you idiot, they're your family._

And yet...

 _ **What if they don't?**_

What if they think I'm a monster? What if they want to cut ties with me? What if they felt betrayed by my actual parents for not being told about my kekkei genkai? What if I just end up being a burden to them? What if they would end up putting up with horrible treatments from the family members of those I killed?

What if...

 **What if they don't love me anymore?**

 _Please, no... Not that._

I didn't realize that I have rejected his offer until the mizukage had left.

I had no more tears left to cry, so I let myself sink against the mattress and let the thought run in a loop.

 **What went wrong? What if they don't love me anymore? What went wrong? What if they don't love me anymore? What went-**

The last thing I recalled was Rouga's smug little smile as he leans down and offer a hand after knocking me down in practice.

 _"You okay?_ " His mouth moves, yet no sound comes out since this is just a memory after all.

No. My mind echoed.

No, I'm not.

And then I fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

 **Look! I finally updated! Sorry for the wait guys, I am literally writing this from my workplace since my laptop can't even connect to the internet. Pfft, like the whole point of me bringing my laptop with me to another country was so that I could continue writing and not just depend from my phone. Instead it crashed and burn and I am forced to rely on my workplace. Very no good.**

 **Anywhoo, finally 'Nightmare Mode' has started and as you can see my Kamui is a wimp. And a coward. And definitely rather self-centered. She heavily relies on others and oh god is she gonna have to start growing a pair if she wants to survive.**

 **Don't forget to leave a comment~ Have a nice day!**


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